Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Always...Building 429

I was standing in the pour raining
One dark November night
Fighting off the bitter cold
When she caught my eye
Her face was torn and her eyes were filled
And then to my surprise
She pulled out a photograph
And my heart just stopped inside
She said He would have been three today
I miss his smile, I miss his face
What was I supposed to say

But I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always

He was living in a broken world dreaming of a home
His heart was barely keeping pace
When I found him all alone
Remembering the way he felt
When his daddy said goodbye
Fighting just to keep the tears
And the anger locked inside
He's barely holding on to faith
But deliverance is on its way

'Cuz I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always

Friend I don't know where you are
And I don't know where you've been
Maybe you're fighting for your life
Or just about to throw the towel in
But if you're crying out for mercy
If there's no hope left at all
If you've given everything you've got
And you're still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on

Cuz I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all faith is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remainsA
lways, AlwaysHe will be with you always
He will be with you always
He will be with you

Something Heavenly Sanctus Real

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

[Chorus]Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't seebut
I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenlyIt's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Looking in the mirror

I watch the Biggest Loser. I've always kind of found someone I relate most to in their struggle for self acceptance, overcoming excuses or just their struggle to better themself. There is a contestant this year that was hard to watch because her struggle was much more personal. She lost her family...

They were lost in a wreck because someone careless made a very selfish decision that took their lives. Her entire world was lost in a moment. My life changed because someone very selfish made a decision that I had no control over as well.

I've often felt so alone in my struggle because no one could vocalize the pain and emptiness I was feeling. Watching her story unfold over the course of the last few weeks and to hear her talking through the pain in order to heal was heartbreaking for anyone watching I'm sure. I couldn't watch it, I've lived it, I was watching a total stranger vocalize my pain, my sadness and my emptyiness. It was harder than I imagined it would be.

Her circumstances for her loss we more dramatic and tragic than mine but I understood when she said she lost her whole life that day that the light in her eyes died and she wasn't sure what she wanted, how to live, how to open her heart to love again. When you lose your entire world in an instance your world freezes in that moment.

I remember the last night I saw J, he was at Mom and Dad's. He was angry with me because he didn't understand what was happening and why I no longer lived with him and Daddy. He lashed out at me, I tried talking to him but he was too upset with me to listen. I saw the confusion on his little face and the hurt in his eyes. I told him that I loved him and went home. My Mom talked to him and explained why I could no longer be in his life like I used to and after they talked he called me and told me he loved me and goodnight. I didn't know I wouldn't get to hold him or talk to him again.

The light has been out of my eyes. It's been out of my heart. I had to heal. From the inside out. It helped seeing her fight to get her life back. For her parents to get their daughter back and for her friends to have the person they loved shining again. She said when she got sent home that for the first time in 2.5 years she was soaring again.

From one broken hearted mother to another. I saw her struggle, I understood her pain and I rejoiced in her ability to believe, trust and fly again.

"When you come to the edge of all the light you know and you're about to step off into the darkness, faith is believing one of two things will happen. There will be something solid to stand on or you'll find your wings to fly."

I'm living proof of that...the floor fell out of my life but my wings are now strong enough to carry me. I just have to continue to let myself soar.

I'm still a Mom....

It's 430am and I cant sleep. Been a long time since I've had insomnia. Have a lot on my mind I guess and a few things I need to get off my chest.

I'm still a mother. I don't have J in my life right now but that doesn't negate that fact that for 5 years I did. People that don't understand that used to hurt my feelings. Then I gave them the benefit of the doubt that they just didn't understand. Now I think I'm just done making excuses. If you have had the blessing of being a Mom to a child, or in my case, a Missy, that doesn't change because the circumstances may. Because J is a thriving little boy doesn't make my grief any less. Sometimes I feel like it makes it more somehow. Because the little boy I put my heart and soul into raising and loving and molded, he's out there. He's just not in my life. He's constantly in my thoughts and prayers and my heart but I can't hold him. I dont know what he's learning, I don't know how he's doing. I would do anything to have one of his hugs right now.

He's a brother. I think it's unfair that he's a big brother. It's my own selfishness but it hits me at the strangest times that he would have been a big brother to my baby. For whatever reason, it wasn't in God's will for my baby to make it. I've lost 2 kids, sometimes I don't think my heart will ever heal. Maybe because it's Halloween and I have such good memories of him dressing up and enjoying life that it's so raw right now. I miss him more everyday.

Spending time with someone who cries with you because they know your heart and your pain is like a big hug. And right now I think it's the closest thing to a hug I could take. Because if someone really wrapped me in their arms right now I think I'd break.

I have to give myself a break. It's only been a year. And with the holidays around the corner it makes me raw.

I have good people in my life. Some understand the choices I've made, others dont because they don't care to. It's easier to judge someone than open your heart to care enough to try to understand what a struggle it is everyday to keep it together. I'm blessed because I have enough people in my life that encourage me, pray for me, and lift me up with words that have been laid on their heart to try to ease the hurt. I am thankful for each of them.

I feel lost right now. I miss my life. I miss the stability of knowing that I could take care of myself. I've had to learn that taking care of yourself isn't tied to your job, or finances, or spouse. It's caring enough to keep going when you don't feel like you can. It's forgiving people who let you down. It's forgiving yourself when you let yourself down as well.

I'm moving on. Everday I'm moving on. It took someone really special to me tonight to love me enough to tell me it's ok to grieve. It's ok to hurt. I lost a lot. People may get tired of my saga but I'm done apologizing. Because I'm trying to be the best I can. God is the potter and I am the clay. It's a painful process to be molded but it's reassuring to know that He has the best for me. And for whatever reason I'm in the place I am, greater is to come. Greater is he that is in me, than he that is in the world.

I miss J. He's the best thing I was ever part of and I'm proud of my little boy. I'm proud of the mom I was and I'm looking forward to the day when I will be a Mom once again. God's timing is perfect. I'm reminding myself of that promise everyday!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Kutless, my new BFF

I have been super emotional the past few days. Crying at the drop of a hat, the mention of a name or a glimpse of a memory before I can shut it out. I'm always emotional, I like that about me and don't apologize for it. But I get tired of crying to. I believe the tears are coming from a place that needs continued healing.

God's moving me. And he's moving in me. I posted a video of a song that reaches right into my heart and brings me some peace.

One of my favorite lines..."It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard, Impossible is not a word, It’s just a reason for someone not to try. Everybody’s scared to death, When they decide to take that step, Out on the water. It’ll be alright, Life is so much more Than what your eyes are seeing, You will find your way, If you keep believing...Broken hearts become brand new, that's what faith can do."

Amazing song with a gentle reminder. Everyone falls, you just have to have the strength to rise.
I'm rising. A little more each day!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Promise of a lifetime

I have so many thoughts going through my mind right now and honestly not sure how to find an outlet to get me sain, skinnier, and not CONTSTANTLY on edge!

I dont belong here but I'm happy to have the extra time with Nana. I'm homesick for my family and friends. I guess I've just been waiting for God to lead me somewhere. Right now I've taken up (semi) permanent residence in the "mean time."

Max Lucado wrote in a book of his something to the effect of whatever you put your time, energy and thoughs into that becomes your giant. I forgot that briefly. Well I'm being gerenous. Haven't thought about that in too long. The point is my focus needs a shakeup. Focusing on my weight makes my outer being more significant than who I've become on the inside. Focusing on where God is leading me and needing me in the future takes away from focusing on who I can minister to, or be a friend to now.

Kutless "Promise of a Lifetime"

I have fallen to my knees
As I sing a lullaby of pain
I'm feeling broken in my melody
As I sing to help the tears go away
Then I remember the pledge you made to me

[CHORUS:]I know you're always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime
Will you help me fall apart
Pick me up, take me in your arms
Find my way back from the storm
And you show me how to grow
Through the change I still remember the pledge you made to me

[BRIDGE:]I am holding on to the hope I have inside
With you I will stay through every day
Putting my understanding aside
And I am comforted

Friday, October 23, 2009

Got my hair did

BY ME!! I've cut, colored and played with everyone else's hair. And screwed my own up quite a bit with cheap hair color but tonight I did it! And it looks beautiful. I pulled it through the cap, mixed the junk myself and then deep conditioned after I took the color off. And learned that it hurts 1/10 less when you do it yourself than when you let your mom, err, someone else do it.

Made me think of a funny story. I was highlighting Whit's hair a few years ago and David, not Whitney, David was really concerned with whether I knew what I was doing or not. I tend to make a lot of noises when I'm taking the foils out (hmm, ummm, wow, uhhh...) and that doesn't really lend itself to instilling confidence in my "clients." But I finished the color and David, as well as Whit were quite pleased. Then she decided she wanted long bangs. There may have been a glass of wine involved but I'm pretty sure she was just skittish....

I've never been trained on how to do anything it's just kind of in my blood. When I color my hands turn all sorts of colors and when I cut my fingers have all sorts of cuts. Well Whitney was sitting on a stool and I was trimming away at her long bangs and the scissors may have slipped for a second out of my control and gone right up her nose! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Never seen a girl jump so HIGH, BACKWARDS before in my life.

But she looked beautiful as always and the only scars are on my knuckles.

Moral of the story, I like to do hair, my best friend is fast on her feet and drinking wine while doing hair makes it look better!!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

God Bless the Broken Road

This song used to mean something a lot different to me than it means to me now. I haven't heard it in quite a long time but I heard it tonight. At a Karaoke contest of all places. And it was all I could do to not break down.

I have no idea where I am right now, or why I'm here. Other than this is the place God has me to be. I would rather be a million different places but I'm not. I'm here.

I had a pity party today. Why am I still here, when will something happen, I feel worthless, I feel un-needed, I feel disposable, alone, sad, frustrated blah blah blah.

Then I got an email from my aunt telling me about being in the "mean time." And if you are waiting on a "thing" to renew you it drains you. But if you wait on the Lord he renews your strength...

As I was reading her encouraging email and crying I got an emailed devotion from Max Lucado. Who, at times over the past few years, I feel was writing a good portion of his books with the invisible start of "Dear Melissa..." That man has an amazingly simple way of smacking you in the face with God's love and truth. Tonight I was told through his devotion "When You are Low on Hope..." (told ya, smacked right across the face) The thing that struck me the most was this...

"Hope doesn’t promise an instant solution but rather the possibility of an eventual one"
I have more questions than answers right now. I have more tears than smiles sometimes. And I have more frustration than joy occasionally. I've wondered why I'm here but I've never questioned where I'm going. I've cried because of the loneliness and pain but I've always been comforted by His promises. And I've been in the "mean time" a lot longer than I ever anticipated but I've had enough butterfly moments to keep me moving forward.
Tonight I had to laugh because it wasn't but a moment after I felt like breaking that He sent me encouragement. It wasn't an instant solution but the promise of an eventual one has given me what I need to stay on this broken road that's continuously leading me straight to Him..

Smelly cat, smelly cat

I have serious man voice. Beginning to think I may be allergic to KY. Have had either allergy, sinus or some other nusance since I've been here.

It's putting a damper on my marathon training. Ok, really only a 5K training, but you have to start somewhere. The distance I could run months ago is a thing of the past. I struggled for every step then anyway. I am not a graceful runner. I'm the person you make fun of in your car. I need to be held to running at night only.

And 3 people died running the Detroit half marathon last weekend. Healthy men. Runners. Who trained for this. Just all died at about the same point in the race. Really sad. And makes me second guess this running thing.

My goal for my 31st bday is to run the Gate River Run. It's in March. I can do it. But I have to actually jog and not just talk about it. Everyday. Right now I have jogged at least 9 miles in my head.

I'm going to put my running shoes on and hit the treadmill and see how far it actually takes me when I put one foot in front of the other in real life. I mean, it's a treadmill, I'll get nowhere really fast. But in terms of gaining endurance I'm hoping to be well on my way to runner's world in no time.

And hopefully nothing bad happens to me. That would really suck to finally set a goal and work towards it only to have something tragic happen. Pulled muscle, torn something or other or God forbid, death. I have never had to weigh the options of life or death with shopping. For years it's how I got my cardio and I have turned out fine. Well maybe not in great shape but my calves are to die for.

Here goes nothing. From couch potatoe to runner in 5 weeks. I've done it before we'll see if I can do it again.

If you're looking for me I'll be on the treadmill. Or sitting beside the treadmill looking at bagstealorborrow. Either one gets my heart rate up!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Me, Myself and I

I've been trying to implement some changes for some time now. And everytime I decide this is it, really going to do it this time, no more excuses...something comes up.

I was watching Biggest Loser tonight and had kind of another light bulb moment. So many of them have trouble doing it at home because they don't believe in themselves enough to make the changes they have to make, or either make them for a hot minute but can't stick with them. They need someone yelling in their face. Bob telling them to keep going or Jillian to call them out on not giving their best.

I went from being married, to being on my own in a really bad state of mind, to going to my parents house. I went from being told and shown I wasn't good enough to being told and shown I was good enough. From conditional love to unconditional love. It was a confusing dialogue inside myself because I didn't really believe either.

I've been dependent on others to affect my life both negatively and/or positively. I've been scared. Holding myself back. The first person to tell myself I'm not strong enough to do what I want to do because of my past failures. I can talk about it. I can dream about it but to actually take the first step to make the change has been something I haven't been able to do. It's not Jillian or Bob or Mom or Dad or Nana I need in my face telling me I'm good enough and to keep pushing with my best. It's that voice I'm finding inside myself that needs to speak up so I can do what's best for me. My Mom, Dad, Nana and other countless people will cheer with me. But it's me who has to have the strength to take that first step.

And I'm going to do it. For no one else but me!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Mirror mirror on the wall

The people closest to you can make you feel the best and the worst about yourself. Friends, family, spouses, whoever you allow to get close know best how to make you smile and what to say to make you cry.

I'm not sure how other people talk to themselves but I have a pretty honest dialogue going on in my head about who I am, what I do, how I act, what I feel. That voice wasn't always mine. It's taken me the better part of a few years to weed through the voices in the crowd of my ex husband, ex boyfriends, friends, family, employers, clients...anyone who's ever had a negative opinion of me is who I heard the loudest it seems.

For a long time the truth was drowned out by the shouts of "you're not good enough, you're not pretty enough, you should have tried harder, you should have moved on faster, you should be further along than you are, you shoulnd't have trusted him, believed her, you'll never be happy again" nauseum.

I listen to the voices. All of them. And I question each thing that's said to me. Do I have a victim mentality? Maybe. But I don't think so. When bad things happen to you they become part of your history. I haven't stopped living because of my past. It has changed me. Quite alot. But I haven't stopped trying. Am I good enough? I am. I've been stripped of all the "things" I thought for a long time accounted for me being enough. It wasn't my house, my fancy car, designer handbags, or realtor income. I don't have any of that now (well my purse collection but it's my current 401K so I'm keeping it around) but I feel more me than I have in a long time. I don't think I wasn't a good person when I had all that but I know now that I am who I am independent of those things.

I've come to understand that those who judge do it because they aren't happy in their own lives. And those who tell you how you should be, act or live rarely have a life I'm envious of. A lot of times they are hiding. Paralyzed because they didn't get the raise or the man or the job or the right hair cut. I may still cry more days than I don't but I continue to get out of bed. I may talk about the past more than I should according to other people but I do it as a reference to see how far I've come.

I've come to view my "past" as a medal of honor. I was hurt because I allowed myself to love. I have failed because I've allowed myself to push beyond my comfort zone. Sometimes I succeeded, other times I haven't. But I havent stopped trying. And sometimes I'm sad because I know what it means to be a wife, mother, employee, homeowner...And just because I'm not those things right now no longer define me. Because I have hope. I know the joy of being what I was. And I have the desire in my heart to continue to work to be those once again.

When I look in the mirror I used to see what everyone else told me I was. Now I'm choosing to look in the mirror and see the beauty of who I've allowed myself to become.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

My works are safe!

So on the assumption that one day I will be famous and my blogs will turn into my yellow brick road to the best seller list, I have a copywrite on my blog. Yes, I am legit and quite important.

I'm like Carrie Bradshaw. Only a lot less fabulous, with a much less amazing shoe collection, but a nice mix of my own Boy Next Door, Cowboy, Munson and Roloff's to her Mr Big. And of course wonderful girlfriends to laugh, cry and overanalyze life with over countless cocktails. (and better hair if we're being honest)

Sometime, somewhere, I will see you at my book signing.

I'm saying it as though it is so! Well, because it will be!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

To be continued...

So 3 years ago today I got married. I went to a wedding this weekend (well I crashed a wedding this weekend but that's for another post) and I guess maybe it's the first wedding I've been to since my own that affected me.

Looking back on my wedding I am filled with happiness and joy, which doesn't make much sense I know. But in that moment, the man I married was the man I loved and I believe he loved me. And I think it has to mean something, the way I planned to walk down the aisle and how it actually happened.

My wedding was in a beautiful, Spanish like setting. I walked out a brick paved walkway to the top of a 2 levels of stone stairs and looked down on the sea of faces of people who loved and cared about me. I walked myself down to the 1st landing and my dad, standing at the bottom of the stairs, came to meet me. The plan was that he would walk me down the aisle to the place my mom was and her and my dad would give me away. As a symbol of them both walking with me through my life I suppose. More so because I love them both and wanted them beside me in that all important moment of handing me off to another person. That happened. But when dad walked up those stairs to get me, a little boy came running up from his place as bestman beside his daddy to walk me down the aisle with my dad. So with tears streaming down my face I walked to the man I was to marry with the man who had always loved me and a little boy who called me his Missy.

Everything from the ceremony to the reception to the wedding night was perfectly scripted. It was more than I dreamed as a little girl. It didn't have the ending I anticipated but the ending doesn't take away from the beautiful story that was that day.

And so with all that...tonight when I realized what day it was, I wasn't filled with sadness. I was filled with peace. Because up until a point, and I'm not even sure when that point was, I always remembered that story with a "The End." But now I feel like I've finally changed it to "To be continued..." And I'm excited to write that book...

Betty Homemaker

It's cold here. Beyond the cold I'm used to or can tolerate. I thought the "blood thinning out" thing was just something people in FL said any time they went someplace cold. Turns out it's true. And turns out when it turns cold I turn into Betty Homemaker.

It started with a pig lickin cake. Then I made 2 big pans of lasagna. And after that because apparently the 2 former weren't enough, I made pumpkin cookies. But that kind of didn't really turn out so I ended up with 2 dozen cookies and 2 pumpkin loaves.

I'm like Izzie on Grey's Anatomy I think. She baked after Denny died. I think I'm baking my stress away. Which is probably a really bad idea since it's counterproductive to my "Big Fat Food Elephant" revelation.

SoI guess if you find me in a big fluffy pink prom dress, smack me back into reality! And make sure you wipe the frosting off my face!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

High heels and motivation

Tonight what I want to write about certainly isn't something I can share with the world. The downside of a paperless journal connected to the www. Annoying. Tried talking to Coach but she's kind of the short bus of dog personalities and I never really have been a confide in your dog type person. And I guess technically she isn't even really my dog anymore. I digress.

I suppose I will talk about the weather. It's cold here. Lows in 30's, highs in 50's. I didn't pack for this weather. I packed for 2 weeks in August and here I find myself in KY, in the cold, without my pashmina's, sweaters, fall purses...I do have 8 pairs of high heels and some really hot accessories that will have to do.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to implement some changes. There's something very invigorating about the cold weather, which I hope will translate into supernatural motivation. I'll wear my high heels, that always helps!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Cousins, there were never such devoted cousins...

So I'm spending time with my cousin who was my other half growing up. And her 11 year older daughter who is her spitting image. Which really takes me back. Her boyfriend has been playing acoustic guitar and I've been singing right along with him. Takes me back to a lot of really good memories.

We have both been through some really trying times in our lives and she is such a strong person it makes me proud to be around her. We grew up close as can be. We had our lives planned out and played grown up when we were little girls at Grandma and Popsy's. Neither of our lives have turned out as we used to "play." But our lives have given us many great stories to laugh, cry and reflect on.

And, because we are such rebels, tomorrow we are crashing our long lost cousins wedding. We've spent more time apart than we have together but the bond we forged at kids has proven to be a very strong bond. There's nothing like family to remind you where you have come from and remind you of who you dreamed to be as a kid. And it's really nice to see that we are both working very hard to be the woman we dreamed of being so long ago.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Dry spell

I havent been on a date in over a month. That's a record for me. I'm in a small town and don't have much social interaction outside of my family. Where the heck do you meet someone in a place like this? Makes me appreciate the big pond of fish in Jacksonville. Even if I have dated more than less of them.

And I miss my car. Tooling around in a mini van has been fun for about hot minute.

I still have my high heels and big jewelry so I'll continue to rock those and hope I dont lose too much of my sass here in the blue grass state.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Hello Elephant, I'm Melissa....

Skittles. Red skittles. Not sure why but I can't stop thinking about them. If I'm being honest I cant stop eating them. I know in the economic times we're having and the fact that I'm not gainfully employed or married or blah blah blah, I should be concerned with something more relevant! I know. I'm self aware. I've never had a problem with that. I can point out all my downfalls. In alphebetical order if you'd like. However, that gets me nowhere but face first crying into a bag of skittles. Clearly counterproductive.

I have lived my life mostly in the" if I want it I have it" category. We could subcategorize the many areas I lack willpower but for the sake of not wanting to lay all my skeletons out I'm going to stick with the one I'm ready to let go of. I"m going with the theory of introduce yourself to the elephant in the room and then move on.

Here goes. Hi Big Fat Food Elephant that wont leave me alone. You are now dismissed.

So, I have acknowledged I don't have willpower. Expressed my desire to have it and now I will act on it. Edamame for chips, hummus for dip, sugar free jello for ice cream. Ice chips for skittles?

I've never really reacted well to being told I cant do or have or be something. So to tell myself I cant have sugar or carbs or wine is a sure bet you will find me in the candy aisle with a big bottle of Red and a french baguette. I'm going to say I can have whatever I want. But I also have a goal of being in a certain pair of jeans by my birthday. Which leaves me less than a month to be acting with this new thing, willpower.

Don't worry, I work best under pressure. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

One phone call from our knees....

Soo....I'm going to attempt not to make this an over analytical blog, but, who are we kidding. I'm writing it. I always process things better on paper and in an attempt to "go green" I'm going paperless. This is my new journal. Welcome to my thoughts, please don't judge.

I heard a song that says "I guess we're all one phone call from our knees" and it made me think. Kind of a lot. We've all had that call, maybe quite a few of them. I've had that call(s). That brought me to my knees. But the more I thought about it the more it made me think.

The name of the song with that line is "Closer to Love." Did the phone call pull me closer to love? Did I let it? Am I allowing myself to stay in the mindset of I'm just... One phone call from my knees, one interview from a job, one date from Mr Right, one workout from wanting to do it everyday, one bad decision from changing, one good decision from changing, one baby from feeling less empty, one baby from feeling closer to some friends I've drifted from, one "something" from being happy?....

Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to good people. I've been pulled to my knees from devastating news. I'm better when I'm already on my knees when the phone call comes....thanking God, praising Him and seeking His will. Because then, no matter what the circumstance, I'm already being pulled "Closer to Love." And that's never a bad place to be.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Blogging from the Bluegrass

This is for you Kristen. You asked for it.

I'm in KY for an extended visit. It's always interesting coming home and seeing where you fit in. This trip has been crazy to say the least.

I've never blogged before. I journal, I guess maybe it's the same thing. If I allowed whoever wanted to, to read my innermost thoughts and feelings.

I have been saying I wanted to write a book, I guess this will be a good test?!

Stay tuned, let's see where this road takes us...