In Loving Memory of
Our Precious Boys
Fletcher and Tucker Neu
Forever In Our Hearts
This is the tree that we picked. It's an olive tree and will bear fruit. We get to watch it grow in a beautiful, peaceful place and it's somewhere we can go and relax. It was planted this morning and we went down with our parents to see it tonight. It's perfect and exactly the right thing for us. We'll take the kids this weekend and show them as well.
So I've been wondering if I'm ready to go back to work, am I ready to face the real world? Stupid things are still bothering me but I try to stay away from nonsense as much as I can. I was thinking that maybe I'm ready and the dr's are just being extra cautious by not releasing me back yet.
I'm not. Shouldn't be allowed out unsupervised or around anyone that I don't personally know.
We went to dinner tonight and there was a stupid couple lost. They couldn't find the way into the restaurant, they followed us in, they followed us around to the hostess stand and then were just staring dumbly around. I usually have a heart for people, especially old people. These people weren't young. The bathrooms are one seaters and it was in a narrow space. Jason came out of the men's room, I was waiting because the ladies room was occupied and Bill went into the bathroom. Then the idiot couple tries to walk in the 2x2 space around us to get to the bathrooms. The lady sidesteps me to try the door, I explain that not only is it occupied I'm, in fact, in line. She scowls. The man is trying to get past Jason and they are doing a dance back and forth. Jason, politely, tells him he was trying to get out. I'm standing there and the man mutters to his wife that he was an a-hole. I kind of turned towards him and his wife steps back behind the door and he says it again and she points her finger at me, like, hello stupid, that's her husband.
FUMES!! I am kind of head over heels in love with that husband of mine. He has a very selfless love for me. He's very protective of me. We have had a great time together laughing and crying and talking and telling stories from our childhoods and past and have just had some very special time together, especially over the past few days. He went down this morning to be there when the tree was planted, I decided I wanted to go when it was already done, so he explains to the groundskeeper who inquired what the tree was in memory for, that it was for our sons. It was an emotional day. And I'm still in the anger phase, clearly. Add to that dumb people calling my Dad or husband a name, not gonna happen.
I said, "is that my husband you just called an a-hole or were you referring to my dad? Because you pointed at that table and that's both my husband and Dad. We just came from the cemetery where we saw our twin boys memorial and we are emotional maybe but they are good people and you should not assume or be rude. So which one was it, who do you think is such the jerk??
I was possibly kind of yelling and crying and perhaps on the edge of losing it. The man looked like he wanted to crawl under the table and die. Sorry, not sorry.
"Be nicer than necessary to people. You never know what other's have just faced." Got it.
We had a nice meal and left. Mom came and hooked her arm through mine. She never does that. Thank God she did because I stepped off the curb and twisted my ankle in my high heeled knee high boots and very nearly was faceplanted in the middle of the road. I was close to having a "I was ran over by a horse and carriage" chapter of my life.
Good days and bad. I feel like "I prayed for a miracle and all I got was this stupid tree" but I'm slowly getting past the bitter. I really do love the tree. I just would have really loved to have walked through the beautiful, peaceful place with my boys more.
I'm blessed with a family who loves me as evidenced by 2 parents, 2 inlaws and a husband who were ready to fight the man that made me cry at dinner. But blessed more because we faced something we never imagined facing and it was peaceful and it was right.
PS- Did I mention how much I love that handsome husband of mine?!