Then I go on a date.
And the guy has a scar on his lip. Kind of a big scar. I'm imagining a knife fight, a motorcycle wreck, something crazy, right? So I guess he caught me staring at it, rude, I know, and he touches it and tells me what happened.
He got bit. By a horse. On his lip. I mean, tragic and scary. But all I could do was picture this and I'm pinching myself not to laugh at the thought of a 2000 lb horse biting this man's lip and I realize I'm not completely mature.
Today I had to make a very grown up decision. And I didn't even realize I was making it until I got in my car to go to my parents and found myself on a road leading me to a place I haven't been ready to go to.
I found a peace. I knew I was ready. And I was proud of myself for doing it. Until I couldn't. So I do what every grown, adult person does, and called my mom, crying, asking her to tell me I was making the right decision.
She didn't tell me I was. She didn't tell me what to do. She listened and she prayed and she talked me thru one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. And I did it. And then went to my parent's house and cried on my dad for a little while.
Not very grown.
But hugely important.
I've never doubted whether I could go to my parents for anything. Sometimes I've gone to them for probably too much but I've never questioned whether I could or not.
So I'm 36 years old, sitting on my parent's couch, first time out of the house in nearly 2 weeks, opening an Easter basket, talking to my parents about very real, very hard, very honest things and I realized I'm not ashamed of running to my mom and dad. Never have been, never will be.
Life has handed me a lot of really hard times but the one thing that had always been a constant, a sure thing, a never have a doubt about, is that whether I'm 36 or 63, I will never stop wanting, needing or appreciating the 2 most beautiful, real, most selfless people I've ever known.
My parents did a lot right and here I am, one of them. They have given me the tools to get thru things they've never faced, they've given me a soft place to land when I needed it, tough love when I didn't want it and a never ending supply of unconditional love.
I love deep, I forgive always and I trust without ceasing and I'm who I am because 2 incredible souls believed in me!
I have a lot of voices in my head fighting for attention. Keep the comments to yourself. But of all the voices that speak doubt, fear, rejection and confusion, the voices of my parents speak the loudest. And the moments I question whether I can keep going with the pain, the hurt, the confusion and fear that life brings, I know I can.
Their voices speak loudest and I've never doubted what I hear.
I'm blessed. For so many reasons but for most of all them!
If you have parents, grandparents, the person that's your inner voice, maybe call them, love them, tell them.
They deserve to know.
Mom, Dad, how much do I love you? More than you could possibly ever know!