Reserved tables, arent you pretty, stink eye, and high heels (of course)

Today was a really good day. Volunteered with the Gator Bowl, it was the Hall of Fame Coach's Luncheon at the Hyatt. Usually we do the welcome dinner. At Dave and Busters. Or Sneakers. And usually we are supposed to wear ugly sweatshirts. Today we were supposed to wear khakis but as I have none I wore all black with my grey knee high boots. My plan was to find a man, specifically Bobby Bowden. Jokingly. It worked. Really...

Standing in a ballroom set for 1000 people, welcoming people, fans, coach's, players....getting hugs from the president of the Gator Bowl's mom and aunt, winks from some coach's, a few yes mams from players who were cute until I realized probably weren't legal just made me feel like me. I was totally in my element!

There was a "Green Coat" lady giving me the stink eye. We were both doing the same job and she kept cutting me off helping the attractive ones. I let her have them. I knew the Coachs were coming in. She wasn't smiling. Probably because her coat felt important at home but looked like a green men's blazer next to my pashmina...hehe!

My Dad tells my Mom and I to come to the front after we were done and they were asking people to have a seat at their table. The table right in front of the stage, CSX, was for us. We didn't know that, we thought we'd be relegated to the back. Behind us was the Governor of WV, Coaches, old Players. It was just a really nice event that I was expecting to volunteer at, not be part of.

I went to the restroom while lunch was being served and walked out right with Bobby Bowden. I asked him if he needed help finding something and he said the restroom so I walked him to where they were. And from the cutest old man, aside from Papaw and Popsy, Coach Bowden gave me a hug and an "well aren't you pretty." I was kind of giddy...

Here is a man that is 80 years old, who is loved, respected, known by so many, giving me a hug. Not in a line of people asking for pictures or autographs. Going to the restroom.

So when the presentation and speeches started it was really neat to hear the stories of Coach's, players, Verne Lundquist who I listen to all the time on CBS sports, front and center.

Coach Bowden got up to speak and maybe because we had a moment (yes, it was a moment) I was extra touched by what he was saying. He's charming, funny, witty, Southern. But he was also very wise. Said that when he coached for WV, who they are playing against tomorrow, he was new and made a lot of mistakes and lost a lot of games because of those mistakes but without making them and losing those games and seeing what changes to make he wouldn't have been able to go to learn, grow, and have such success at FSU. Nothing we haven't heard before, but hearing it from such an iconic man, 10 feet in front of you...

Mom leaned over and said, "2009 wasn't a great year and had a lot of pain but God sure is ushering us into 2010 with a bang." It wasn't that I didn't have to wear a sweatshirt but heels. It wasn't that it wasn't at Dave and Busters but the Hyatt. It wasn't that I was eating a piping hot steak dinner instead of running tables to get players drinks and ketchup (yes, I've done that.) It wasn't that I had a great time doing what I thought I was there to do and was ok with sitting in the back. It was that I got to do something I really enjoyed doing then we got to sit at a reserved table, one we didn't even know was reserved for us....

How much more does God have for us?!

Dream bigger this year. I know I am. I hope you feel as blessed, favored and loved as I do right now.

Happy New Year! xoxo

High heels, yoga toes and being thankful...

Christmas was nice. I realized Christmas Eve that nothing that was on my "Christmas List" was tangible. And most things I wanted weren't even for me. I was feeling very noble and quite proud of myself.

Then Christmas morning got here and I got books and makeup and purses and earrings and shoes...And I was so excited prancing around in those new shoes, taking time to wear them all. So maybe my list wasn't tangible but clearly I have a love of things. Maybe not quite as noble as I thought, I'm just a girl after all.

However, the things that have been on my heart for other people have only been magnified over the last week. My parents and I went to see a special friend of our family, someone who was probably the first person we met in FL, on Christmas Eve. She's living in a retirement place of sorts and she's figuring out who she is I think without her total independence and her house and all of her things....But she is still the same spry lady with the sparkle in her eye and smile quick to shine. Her light hasn't dimmed because her circumstances have. She's 96, I think it's probably wise to emulate her.

S0, new year right around the corner and in the past few weeks since I've decided I'm loving who I am and working on the things that need improved or changed or removed, my confidence has gone up. Not because of who I'm dating. Not because of what I'm wearing. Not because of who may or may not think I'm good enough.

My circumstances haven't changed, aside from new shoes and yoga toes to keep me from being crippled, but my attitude has.

In the wise words of Jewel:

"I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else, believe in me even if someone can't see a stronger woman in me. Be my own best friend stick with me to the end, won't lose myself again, never, no, cause there's a stronger woman in me!"

Where are you Christmas?

Christmas is in a few days.

A lot of people I know are celebrating this year new births, prosperity, health...I'm celebrating their good fortune with them.

A lot of people I know are wondering how to get through this Christmas. One of my very best friends is going through her first Christmas without her baby. It's not at all what her and her family ever imagined would be something they would have to endure. I pray that God gives the Murphy family an extra dose of peace this season. A friend of my mom's is spending this Christmas with the news that her cancer isn't what they thought and she's planning her life with PET scans, chemo and dr's appts. I pray that this Christmas God gives her and her sister a very special year of memories and laughter and healing. A dear, dear friend of mine got the news today that his soon to be 9 year old grandson Bryce has bone cancer. He and his family are facing decisions of chemo, radiation, surgery....my prayer for the Williams family is that God touches Bryce and heals this little boys body and brings comfort and rest to his family. Friends who are facing the first Christmas without a spouse, child, mother, son are getting my prayers of peace and assurance and comfort. That God hasn't forgotten them and as lonely as they feel that somehow they feel loved even stronger.

So many more I could list but I wont, God knows the needs and He's hearing the prayers of so many hurting people. My intention isn't meant to be a downer, it's just meant to be a reminder of what this season can be about. Be extra kind to people, smile at the frowning man, say Merry Christmas to the stranger who looks like they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. Truth is, they probably are. And a kind word and smile may give them just what they need this Christmas to feel loved and cared for.

The New traditions, old traditions, laughter, tears, sadness, excitement, thankfulness, healing....

Christmas is here. Everywhere. If there is love in your heart and your mind, you will feel like Christmas all the time. I feel you Christmas I know I found you, you never fade away. The joy of Christmas stays here inside us, feels each and every heart with love.

Merry Christmas to you and your family. May God's blessings touch you all ina very special way!

UK2K Woot!

My Cats are back! Tonight was the 2000th win. Most in NCAA history. It feels so good to have the excitement and energy and pride back that I grew up appreciating. I actually kind of teared up when we won. And we won by something like 50+ points. Regardless. And got tickets to watch them play against the Gators. So happy I'm going to see them in person. Even if it is at stupid Florida.

Emotional wreck I am. But it's ok. Funny timing because I feel like I have a ball of nerves inside me, like a kid waiting on Christmas to get here to see whats under the tree. I know whats under the tree (can't wait to wear those knee high grey leather slouched boots.) I digress...

A good friend I haven't heard from in years emailed me today (love facebook) and reminded me that God's timing is perfect. I'm thankful for that reminder! And for the incredibly caring people that feel it's important enough to remind me of.

I'm not sure what I'm waiting for but I know it's going to something bigger than I was expecting. And I'll get to wear my new fab boots to celebrate!!

Tis the season

Went to dinner with a friend who I havent seen in much too long tonight. We were in a busy restaurant and people were laughing and Christmas music was playing and I was wearing my fabulous charcoal grey peacoat. Felt like a movie. I love Christmas.

Spending time with D tonight brought back all kinds of emotions. She was friends with me when I was mom to J, when I was building my house, she helped unpack my house, Christmas parties, bbq's, spa trips, all kinds of good memories. I'm thankful she's in my life once again. Nothing like good friends to remind you where you've been and be excited for where you're going.

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I get that passed down from Nana and my Mom. This Christmas is going to be a lot different for a few reasons and I'm trying to remind myself why we celebrate the season. Nothing like removing the "stuff" whether by choice or not to get down to the real reason for the incredible season.

Bears on the mantle, homemade pj's, made from scratch cinnamon rolls, Christmas Eve church, movies, dinner, stockings, gifts, laughter, music....there won't be as many players in our festivities this year and it's hard not to be sad and miss those that won't be celebrating with us this year but it just serves as another reminder what we need to pray for, be thankful for and look forward to.

This year my "bear" may be standing alone but my mom is thrifty. I know somewhere there is a boxful of another bear and baby bears waiting for their spot on the mantle.

I'm thankful today for family, friends and traditions. I hope everyone reading this is filled with the Christmas spirit and whether it's a year of family traditions, new or old, that you're surrounded by people you love!

xoxo

I'm just not that into you!

I hate planning things. Something always happens. If I fly by the seat of my pants then there's no expectations, just go. Supposed to hang with my Aunt and Uncle last night but they are sick (feel better.) Job interview turned out to be same stupid company under a different name that I "interviewed" with 5 months ago. They'll help me find a job. For $5000. Uh huh.

I made an internal pact with myself when I was in KY that I wouldnt fall back into the trap of entertaining "seat fillers" in my life out of boredom. I have enough friends, family, things to do to keep me busy without adding guys I'm not all that interested into because I'm bored. Sorry fellas, I'm not trying to be rude, just trying to get real.

Does it affect me that they are successful? Not one bit. Does it affect me that they are attractive? No, because most think they are more attractive than they actually are which is hugely annoying. Does it affect me that sometimes they are nice to me and others times they aren't? Used to. Quite a bit. Not anymore. Because I had a moment of clarity the other day that I'm not a confident poser. I'm not faking it til I make it. I'm actually quite happy with who I am. Yea, I know. That's the truth too. Everyone who asks me what I'm doing since I've been back gets the truth...looking for a job. Where do I live? With my parents right now. Do I have kids? Yes, thanks for asking I do. If we're friends for more than a hot minute I'll tell you about it. My emotional energy is spent on people I care about. If you become one of those people I'll be happy to share J with you.

I'm not being a snob. I'm not being rude or self righteous. I've just come to understand that what I am selling right now is myself to everyone I meet but first I had to sell myself to me. The current model. Not the one of 3 years ago that was fancy and flashy. The toned down version.

But this one comes with real friends, real family, faith in herself, the ability to laugh at herself and cry when the need is there. I no longer need seat fillers. It's nothing personal, it's just that I'm just really not that into you! I have shortchanged myself too long with pretty disasters wrapped up with a bow and a fancy dinner. No more. I'll order take out and work on my ego instead of stroking yours which is kind of already a little too big!

Wow. That felt good!

So long, farewell...

I'm bidding Ado to 2009. It wasn't my year. Bad choices, bad people, bad circumstances, blah blah blah. I'm making a list of goals for 2010. NOT resolutions. Goals. I'm not resolving to do anything. I'm planning, working and believing I will achieve the following:

Peace. No matter what my circumstances I am going to live in the peace that God promises for His believers. As a believer, that's a perk I haven't taken full advantage of.

Praising God. No matter the situation, Joy comes from loving and believing in a living God. I may not be able to change the circumstances but I can change how I react to them. "When you're up against a wall, and your mountain seems so tall, and you realize life's not always fair...you can run away and hide or you can change your circumstances with a prayer. When everything falls apart, praise His name. When you have a broken heart, just raise your hands and say, Lord you're all I need, you're everything to me. And He'll take the pain away. And when it seems you're all alone, praise your name. When you feel you cant go on, just raise your hands and say, Greater is He that is within me, you can praise the hurt away, if you just praise his name." WOW.

I will make better decisions. In every area of my life. Period.

I will find something to do every day to thank someone special in my life. Because there is nothing that feels better than getting an I love you, I appreciate you, or I thank you from someone you care about. For no other reason than they deserve to hear it.

I will continue to be fabulous. I will wear my high heels, I will wear my sassy accessories, I will take care of myself and be someone other people want to be around. I'm not saying this in a cocky way, I'm saying it in a confident way. I have spent too much time in 2009 worrying what other people think of me, how they perceive me. Not important. I have one person I have to answer to and if I live a life that pleases Him then I will live a life full of good people who will love me, care about me, allow me to help them, be a shoulder to cry on, someone to offer a laugh or a voice of encouragement and just be a really good friend.

I will pray everyday thanking God for the dreams HE has placed in my heart and the journey I am on as they are placed and revealed in my life.

I have learned one very important thing in 2009. You can't always change the hurt, painful or sad circumstances that happen to you and those you love. But the thing you can control is how you react and make yourself and others feel as they are going through the hard times. And celebrate the loudest when dreams come alive.

I'm choosing in 2010 to be the one cheering loudest. Starting now.