Clothed in Strength and Dignity...And High Heels

Proverbs 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."

I hear about being a Proverbs 31 woman, wife, mother, friend, daughter.  It's talked about on the radio, in books I read.  Sounds great.  I want to be that.  I want to be clothed with strength and dignity.  I want to have so much faith in God and my future that I can laugh at the days to come.

If it were that easy, right?

I'm doing my daily devotion, I'm having daily quiet time, I'm talking to God all the time.  Seriously, all the time!  A lot of times it's praise, I have church in my car listening to my music, I thank Him for all He is doing in my life, feeling pretty darn good about being a Proverbs 31 gal.

Then I get a phone call.  Or a text.  Or an email.  Or a jerk cuts me off in traffic.  Most of the time I can take a breath and keep moving.  That's one thing I've learned to do again, breathe.  For awhile I forgot the most basic life function, breathe in, breathe out.  I'd have a moment(s) of panic or anxiety and would recognize only that I was holding my breath once I got to seeing stars and would release it.  And then gulp for air.  It's quite the sight to see.

I think my point is, I'm getting better at recognizing things that are meant to throw me off track.  Instead of reacting, I breathe.  I pray for peace, I think about what's in front of me and how I should respond without screaming like a crazed woman and honking my horn.  Or throwing things. Whatev.

Easier to do when the "thing" that is making you frustrated is a stranger who can't drive and has no concept of merging.  Or when someone you don't care about does something that's irritating.  Minor hiccups but nothing worth losing my halo over.

What happens when something big happens from someone who does matter to you?  Or something you have worked really hard for is called into question?  What do you do when criticism, lies and anger are spinning at you faster than love, peace and mercy?

I turned to my Bible.  I went to the back of it where there's a section of quick verses to help the crazy get answers faster and I came to this.

Persecution
"If the world hates you, keep in mind it hated me first."  Psalm 34:19

Dang, there's not even a way to pretty that one up.  If you are walking close to God, chances are, Satan is trying his best to throw you off track by some pretty hateful tactics.  When I shake my fists to the heavens and say, "Why, why are people so mean," I didn't expect to read, "Relax, they hated me first."

"Suffering proves genuine faith." I Peter 1:6-7

I know this is true.  Since I started this 10 week journey of devotional prayer time, Satan isn't even trying to be sneaky anymore.  There's no doubt who is throwing the boulders my way.  Would it be easier to stop praying, to stop reading my Bible, to stop seeking God's will?  Sure, if I were looking only to stop the immediate attack.  But I won't!  I have gotten pretty good at sidestepping those things that are meant to trip me up.  In 5" heels, I might add.

"Rejoice if you suffer as a Christian." I Peter 4:16

I mean, really?  It's one thing to say that suffering proves genuine faith.  It's another to accept that people will hate that you are living for Christ.  I'm supposed to rejoice when I suffer?

Why would I rejoice if I suffer as a Christian?

I've thought a lot about this.  Living a life for Christ isn't all rainbows and sunflowers.  I have most certainly seen a change in me that I am excited about.  I was explaining how I was feeling a few weeks ago to someone and they couldn't understand how I could be happy.  I don't have a bulging bank account, I haven't lost the magical number of lbs that I desire to, I don't have everything I want, but I have joy!  What!?  They looked at me like I was stupid and me explaining the difference between happiness relying on what you have in the moment vs joy coming from God and all He has promised us was lost on them.

Don't let it be lost on you.

If Satan wasn't attacking me, if I weren't being criticized and having lies thrown around about me then I'd get kind of worried.  I'm not saying that having those things is an everyday occurrence when you walk with Christ but I'm on the brink of something BIG here.  I'm changing my life, I'm changing my focus, I'm changing my perspective.  God is working IN me, He's working THRU me.  Because I'm letting Him.  I'm asking Him.  I'm seeking Him.

So I'm rejoicing because I know that if the prize weren't worth it, the fight wouldn't be so strong.  I've faced a lot of things in my life but I can say that I've never faced the spiritual battle that is going on around me.

But I can breathe.  I know how this ends.  I may not know all the plays, I may not know all the ins and outs, but I'm confident of this.  I know how my story will end.  When I am done with my work on earth, I will be rewarded in heaven.  With 2 little boys I love more than I've ever loved anything, waiting on me.  To show me the glory of God.

The battle is worth the fight because my reward is in heaven.  Satan won't have me.  He can attack all day long, the lies, criticism and pain do nothing more than fuel my desire to draw even closer to the One who has completely changed my heart, my life and my spirit.

The lies, the hurt, the confusion, the pain, the fear are all very real.  But those aren't from God.  What you water, grows.  So I'm going to dry it up, close off the valve and stop listening.

I can laugh at the days to come, clothed with dignity, with strength, with fab accessories, killer heels and a heart so on fire for God that I can keep walking forward, head held high, breathing and ok.