You may think the sky above is falling...

Easter tomorrow. I know the meaning, I'm thankful for the hope, faith, joy it represents.

Easter is also about kids hunting Easter eggs, bunnies, baskets. Dressed up in their Easter outfits. Last year I went to church and made it to the parking lot and saw the mass of kids walking in with their parents and sat in my car crying, couldn't handle it. I'm hoping tomorrow is easier. But I miss J so much I can't hardly stand it.

I'm trying so hard to not be a brat about my life right now. I know I have family, friends, my health. I want more. God put the desires for so much more in my heart and it's hard to not have it. I want J back in my life. I want to hold him, I miss him so much right now. I want my job. I want to feel productive and busy and proud of myself. I'm ready for something good to happen.

I'm emotional. I'm always emotional. I'm trying. Everyday I'm trying. Some days it's better than others. I had a really good weekend spent with friends at the beach. Spent the afternoon Fri with my parents at the beach. I know I have a good life. I know I'm blessed. I just want more. I'm ready for more. I can't imagine what more time waiting is going to show me, grow me, or change me anymore than has already happened over the past 3 years.

Heard this song and it's what I needed. "You’re blinded by the lightning, do you also hear that still, small voice saying it’s okay you’re not alone, You may be scared to death but I won’t let you go. You may think the sky above is falling, but can you hear Jesus calling?" If for no other reason it serves as a reminder that I'm not the only one who struggles, who falters in their faith, who is scared to death of failing, of not being good enough, of being alone.

33 Miles Jesus Calling lyrics
What do you see when you look at your world today
Is it so full of clutter that you feel like you’re going insane
And you can’t fight back cause you’re just too afraid
And it seems like the clouds in your sky don’t wanna change
You see there’s always another story, another side to every coin
And how you see your circumstance is all about a choice

CHORUS
When you see the rushing wind, feel the pouring rain
Hear the thunder now as the clouds roll in
You’re blinded by the lightning
Do you also hear that still, small voice saying
It’s okay you’re not alone
You may be scared to death but I won’t let you go
You may think the sky above is falling
But can you hear Jesus calling

What do you see when you look at your world today
Do you see a glimmer of hope, or has it all turned to gray
Well start by counting your blessings one by one
Oh and I’m sure right there, you’ll start to see the sun
You see there’s always another story, another side to every coin
And how you see your circumstance is all about a choice

Because the darker the night, the brighter He can shine

~Sums it up. How I feel, how I pray and how I'll get through.

I'm blessed. I know I am...