From where I'm standing, you stand or you fall.
Life sucks. Sometimes it doesn't but other times it really, really sucks.
I'm living in a weird place where half my life is turned on it's head and the other half is beautiful.
It's enough to make a sane person question what padded walls would add to the current decor of her bedroom.
I went to a breakfast the other morning and the speaker was pretty great. He said in life you have two options. To be a "yea, but" or a "yes, and" person.
Interesting. I feel, especially since the first of the year, I've been a yes, and kinda gal. Yes life sucks and I'm figuring it out. Yes, life can turn on a dime and make you question everything or it can make you a "but life sucks, I can't, I don't wanna, it's too hard" kinda person.
I have a glorious distraction in my job. I'm working insane, crazy hours and I have never been so fully submerged in a job before and I love it! I love the people, I love the company, I love my community and I love the homes I'll be selling. I'm working my tail off and it's going to be for some really awesome results. Can't be mad about that.
When I started painting, I'd get so close to the canvas and what I'd created and it looked like a hot mess. I remember being so disappointed one night, walking away from a painting I had high hopes for. I went back into the kitchen a bit later and turned on the light and from where I was standing, the painting was beautiful. Up close I saw all the mistakes I'd make. Things that didn't work. When I stepped away, came back, looked at the whole painting from a different perspective, it made me cry. It was absolutely beautiful.
Up close to things that break your heart, it's so easy to only see the ugly. The mistakes. The things you wish you'd done different. Taking a breather, walking away and seeing it with new eyes, a clearer view, standing away from it, it wasn't as hot mess as I thought and it was in fact, quite beautiful.
So is my life. Up close it looks like. Disaster. Too many mistakes. Too much time wasted on something that hurt. It wasn't what I expected. The hours and tears and heart I put into it seemed to be wasted.
Until an hour later when I got some perspective, looked at a different angle And saw it for what it was. A beautiful work of my heart that made sense only when I walked away from it for a while.
I'm doing the same in some areas of my life. I'm pouring my heart and soul into what I love, I'm praying that God is guiding each stroke, each decision, hearing each prayer, and what looks like to me to be total disaster is actually just an unfinished masterpiece that God is making my life into.
I'm strong. I'm ok. I'm faithful, I'm loving, I'm committed, I'm hardworking and I'm believing in HIS process.
I want this beautiful disaster that is my life to be a beautiful masterpiece that is God's life's design for me.
I have peace. I have joy. I have sadness, I have questions, I have a mind that never shuts off.
My story right now could be this. Life changed yes, but I just didn't have any fight left in me so I quit.
What my story is, is this. Life changed, yes. But I'm being obedient to do the work God has laid on my heart, to love those I can the only way I can which is thru prayer, and trusting and believing that the end of this work will be something more beautiful than I could have ever seen.
I'm 1 part completely put together, 1 part work in progress and 1 part complete hot mess. And I'm kinda ok with the hot messness. Keeps me humble. Like getting stuck in a Rainstorm and breaking my favorite heel off in a paver crack and having a good ole fashioned go to pieces maybe. But yes, I kept going. And I will. There's no quit in me.
Blessed because God has given me the peace to be me, the hope to believe better and the faith that all this crazy crap tha hurts is nothing compared to the joy that is coming!