Sunday, October 17, 2010

Refreshed and in love...

Had a really great few days with Jason in Savannah. We shopped at some really fun boutiques, ate some ridiculously good food, walked around a lot of shops, rode scooters through the squares...a lot of fun things. My favorite part of the trip was Thurs night after dinner. We sat by the river and talked for hours. About everything and nothing and I really understand now what it means when people say they love someone more today than yesterday. I love him more and more everyday and I have never in my life felt so loved, protected, adored and taken care of as when I'm with him.

Aside from that, he makes me laugh. All the time. From my belly. How refreshing to have found someone that I can be myself with. Who brings out the best side of who I am. Who appreciates my abilities, forgives my flaws and loves me for both.

I haven't forgotten the struggles and pain and heartache that got me here. I don't dwell on it but I think I'd be doing myself a great disservice if I didn't let myself remember what I went through to be where I am now. I love deeper. I love more. I hope bigger.

The past 4 years changed me. Changed how I react to things, how I look at things and how I deal with things. I'm proud of myself for not giving up. I'm thankful for my family who wouldn't allow me to give up. I'm grateful for my friends who stood beside me when all I could offer was very little. I know what having your heart broken feels like. I know what losing a child feels like. I know what divorce feels like. I know what desperation feels like...

And because of the love and Grace of God I now know what being head over heels in love with the right man feels like. I know what success once again feels like. I know that I will one day know what having my own baby feels like. I can't wait to experience that will the man I love.

My life isn't normal. I'll always have crazy things happen to me. But I wouldn't trade what I've gone through for anything. I got to love a special little boy for 4 years. I got to learn how to love in a different way. I found out I'm stronger than I give myself credit for sometimes. It used to really rub me the wrong way when people would say that I finally let go of my past so I was able to move on. Not accurate. I was finally healed enough to open my heart to love, life and new experiences.

I'm blessed, in love and happy as I've ever been!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


Doesn't always make sense. The girl I mentioned in my last post passed away. The funeral for her and her babies is today at 1pm. She was only 28. Please remember her family. Her husband. Her 3 kids she raised because their birth mother passed away. They've experienced the loss of 2 mothers in a very short time. I can't imagine the pain they are going through.

I dont know her. I don't know her family. But her story touched me and I know that when I faced my darkest moments, the prayers of those I knew and those I didn't is what got me through. Please keep the Evans and Bond families in your prayers.

I realized last night how scared of failing I've been. I'm blessed and so excited for the direction my life has taken but I've sold myself short. In my job, with friends, with family, with Jason. With what I have to offer and what I can do. I think I was so scared of falling short again that I havent been living to the full potential of this me I've become. I'm working on that.

I miss J still, all the time. Especially with Halloween around the corner. And my bday and the holidays. He was a very special little boy and I wonder all the time what kind of boy he's growing into to. I'll continue to pray for him and trust that he's taken care of and loved.

So many exciting things happening. Going to Savannah for a few days with Jason tomorrow. Havent been on a vacation in way too long. This mini vaca is coming at a really good time. I'm ready to get out of town with my man.

I pray you all realize how precious life is, how blessed we all are to have the time we do with those we love. I know I'm looking at my life differently and thanking God everyday for those who are part of it.

I'm blessed and ready to see where this road continues to take me!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Prayers requested...

Please continue to pray for my dad. He is really uncomfortable in his brace and not sleeping well at all. He's going stir crazy and feels like he's going to lose his mind sometimes not being able to move his arm from the position it's in. His surgery was almost 2 weeks ago so he's got at least 4 more weeks in that brace. Thank you.

Also I'm asking for prayers for a young gal I don't know personally but who is heavy on my heart. is her website. She married a man whose first wife passed away and she was raising his 3 kids as her own. She was pregnant with twins and went into early labor last week and lost both babies. As she was delivering her placenta she had a blood clot go to her lungs and she had a heart attack. It was 17 minutes before they could revive her and she's been in a coma for over a week now, her kidney's have shut down, she's on a ventilator and she's got no brain activity. Her brother lost his wife in June after a very short battle with brain cancer. This family has been through one ugly trial after another. Please lift them up in your prayers and pray for Leslie, her parents, her husband, their kids, her brother, the dr's, her family and friends. I can't even imagine the pain and suffering they are facing and I know that they need the peace that only God can provide.

Thank you for your prayers, I know that God will hear each one and give comfort only He can give.

I'm blessed, everyday I'm reminded just how much...