Saturday, July 19, 2014

I'm guilty, high heels and judging.

I'm guilty of a lot of things.

Crying because I miss Tucker and Fletcher. 

Not going to work immediately after losing my heart. 

Being proud of the crap that tried it's best to suffocate me and that I kept breathing. 

Working to the point of utter exhaustion. 

Loving without conditions.

Seeing the best in people even when they show you the ugly side of their heart. 

Working my tail off to be successful. 

Forging ahead when there were people wanting nothing more than to see me fail. 

Spending money I should have saved on impossibly uncomfortable shoes or an incredibly fantastic necklace. 

Giving people the benefit of the doubt. 


Being mad for being judged. 

Placing hope in someone far greater than they ever placed in themself. 

Having a firm and steady belief that tomorrow will be better.  

Crying because, what if tomorrow sucks?

Listening to the same song on repeat 1000 times.  

Crying because I see an old person eating dinner alone. 

Going to sit with an old person who's eating alone. 





Giving advice to people I should have taken myself. 

Mentally throat punching people on a daily basis. 

Drowning my sorrows in wine. 

Getting up from a room because someone's mouth noises made me homicidal. 

Drowning my sorrows in prayer. 

Laughing til I cry. 

Standing taller than I ever imagined I could. 

Being disappointed in others. 

Being disappointed in myself. 

Loving others. 

Loving myself. 

I'm a crazy mix of hope and hurt and healing and pain. Of tears and laughter and sorrow and hope. Of singing and dancing and wallowing and tantrums. 

I'm guilty of a lot of things but I'm not, nor will I let anyone, make me feel guilty for being myself. 

For awhile I was ok simply being ok. No longer. I had much to prove to myself that I can stand, I can thrive, I can love and I can believe. 

I'm blessed because I have people in my corner cheering me on, I have a faith that's bigger than myself and I'm fine with being guilty of moving forward the best and only way I could. One day at a time and when that was too big, step by step. 

I'm learning, I'm moving and I'm growing.  Every single day I'm faced with the option of being happy or being sad. When you change your focus your change your outcome. 

It's a struggle, can't lie, to choose to be happy. "Even when it hurts, even when it's hard, even when it all just falls apart." 

Sometimes it's disguised as whining, sometimes it's disguised as believing, sometimes it's disguised as a pain bigger than I know how to process but life keeps going. 

If I had to choose a life filled with love, hope and excitement vs a life filled with regret, resentment and anger, every single day I will choose hope!

Forward, onward and upward my friends. In high heels, with a big smile and a heart that genuinely believes the good in others.  

Be kinder than necessary. You never know what someone else is facing!  


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