If I have any male readers, feel free to stop reading.
So you know how every mother always says that the pain of child birth is forgotten the moment your baby is laid in your arms?
I believe that's true.
Except for when it's not.
I'll never forget child birth. With both boys, I remember every. single. pain. I remember every detail, I remember it all like it was yesterday.
Mainly because I go thru the pain all the time. I've always had horrible periods, always. The dr's have told me since I was very young that once I went thru child birth, the pain would get better.
And it did. For a year and a half my body was normal. I mean, except for the breast milk I still had up until about 2 months ago. But was mostly normal til one day it had decided I'd had enough of a reprieve and the flood gates of hell opened up once again.
There are 3 types of people when it comes to period hell. Men who haven't a clue.
Woman who have some cramps here and there, some moments of wanting to hurt someone during PMS and then the group of woman whose lives are put on hold during the worst times of their lives.
Every. Single. Month.
Except I'm not normal so for the better part of the last 120 days, I've been living this hell. Some days it's ok. Some days I want to kill people. Other days I eat my face off. Some times I wake up 11 lbs heavier than when I went to bed because of fluid retention. Hand to heaven truth. Other days my face looks like a proactive commercial and then the really amazing days I am curled in a fetal position with a heating pad cursing the fertility gods that cause this pain that remind me I'm still not pregnant and they really want me to realize that.
That's been me the past week. My dr's have told me I'm one of the lucky few that goes thru true labor pains more often than most during their cycles. It sucks on a normal day.
Other times it's devastating.
To be laid up, in excruciating pain, reliving the worst two times of your life is simply devastating. Because it's not just the physical that is too much to handle. It's the memories that play like a movie in my mind of when I truly was in labor. And how that ended.
My dr has me on different meds trying to make my life less hellish. And that backfired and for 3 months I had a constant period. Life has been fun around me let me tell you. Then I get a 3 week reprieve and out of nowhere a few days ago I'm knocked on my back.
Literally. On my back with a heating pad and 4 heavy pillows on top. I have heating pad burns. How do you even explain that if I had to go to the ER or something?
Please, someone, tell me it's not that bad. I promise I will slice your tongue out.
Sometimes all the stars line up in life and just make you want to check yourself into an all expense paid trip by insurance and copay into the closest mental ward you can find so you can get a moments peace.
I'm transparent, remember?
So, what have we learned today in my blog?
I'm hormonal. I'm still half past crazy and I'm a mess.
But I'm trying my best to not let the crazy take over every part of my life. I like to spread it out evenly amongst all areas.
You know, like talking to your ex about the divorce papers that are "in the mail."
Hot mess, party of 14 personalities checking in.
If it's not one thing it's 15437 others but so far my rack record of getting thru the crap is 100% even if the ways I get thru it are pints of ice cream, 3 heating pads and a box of Kleenex with a whole lot of caring people who allow me the grace to be myself.
Right now I feel like a big fat lump of charcoal and that the light at the end of the tunnel is a speeding train headed right for me.
But I know it's not accurate. Tomorrow I'll wake up with a better attitude than I have today and most likely, with an empty pint of ice cream laying beside me and a heating pad burn to remind me I made it another day!