Sunday, October 17, 2010

Refreshed and in love...

Had a really great few days with Jason in Savannah. We shopped at some really fun boutiques, ate some ridiculously good food, walked around a lot of shops, rode scooters through the squares...a lot of fun things. My favorite part of the trip was Thurs night after dinner. We sat by the river and talked for hours. About everything and nothing and I really understand now what it means when people say they love someone more today than yesterday. I love him more and more everyday and I have never in my life felt so loved, protected, adored and taken care of as when I'm with him.

Aside from that, he makes me laugh. All the time. From my belly. How refreshing to have found someone that I can be myself with. Who brings out the best side of who I am. Who appreciates my abilities, forgives my flaws and loves me for both.

I haven't forgotten the struggles and pain and heartache that got me here. I don't dwell on it but I think I'd be doing myself a great disservice if I didn't let myself remember what I went through to be where I am now. I love deeper. I love more. I hope bigger.

The past 4 years changed me. Changed how I react to things, how I look at things and how I deal with things. I'm proud of myself for not giving up. I'm thankful for my family who wouldn't allow me to give up. I'm grateful for my friends who stood beside me when all I could offer was very little. I know what having your heart broken feels like. I know what losing a child feels like. I know what divorce feels like. I know what desperation feels like...

And because of the love and Grace of God I now know what being head over heels in love with the right man feels like. I know what success once again feels like. I know that I will one day know what having my own baby feels like. I can't wait to experience that will the man I love.

My life isn't normal. I'll always have crazy things happen to me. But I wouldn't trade what I've gone through for anything. I got to love a special little boy for 4 years. I got to learn how to love in a different way. I found out I'm stronger than I give myself credit for sometimes. It used to really rub me the wrong way when people would say that I finally let go of my past so I was able to move on. Not accurate. I was finally healed enough to open my heart to love, life and new experiences.

I'm blessed, in love and happy as I've ever been!

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