Monday, December 10, 2012

Full disclosure

These boys are wearing me out.

I'm having weird cramps, stretching, pressure, aches.  It's frustrating being pregnant like this for the first time because I have no way of knowing what is normal.  When a cramp is normal stretching or when it's time to call the dr.  Add to a twin pregnancy the hypermesis and still swollen ovaries, I'm a hot mess and more than toeing the line of neurotic.

Last week I was puking non stop again and got to where I couldnt keep liquids down so I ended up in the ER.  I got some IV fluids and meds and felt a lot better.  Yesterday was a rough day and today has been kind of worse, in a new, entirely different way.

BUT I got to see the babies this morning at the dr.  Instead of laying on top of each other, they are laying stretched out across my stomach, head to head.  It feels like maybe they are playing soccer with my ovaries and relaxing on my bladder which could explain all the weird cramps.  Regardless, prayers are appreciated that these lil guys are good and healthy and strong and everything inside me is as it should be.

Thursday we have an anatomy scan.  It's a long, detailed sonogram to make sure all the fingers and toes and kidneys and bladder and heart chambers and all look good.  It absolutely still is so amazing to me that I have 2 babies with me.  All the time.  I see them flipping and moving and waving and kicking but I can't feel them.  However, the other night, I think I felt one.  I was laying in bed and it felt like the remote control rolled off my stomach.  I went to reach for it and it wasn't there.  Then it did it again.  The remote was on the nightstand so I'm guessing it was either Fletch or Tucker rolling around inside.  Crazy!!

The night I met Jason, the first 5 mins of our conversation was him saying, "I'm divorced, 3 kids, pay x amount in child support and alimony, have an ex wife who stays actively involved in my life and yada yada yada."  I told him I was divorced, living with my parents, a little about J... Then we looked at each other and he asked, "Still want to talk?"  I said sure and the rest is history.   As we laid it all out upfront our little inside joke is "Full Disclosure."  When life gets crazy because of something we brought to the table, one of us will say, Full Disclosure, you knew what you were getting yourself into.  A little accurate but reading the chapter titles doesn't give you the full story until you delve into the book.  Much like life.

Life gets crazier and weirder by the day but it's worth it.  This pregnancy is harder and has taken so much more out of me than I expected but I wouldn't change it.  As miserable as I am a lot of the time, I love that I have 2 babies inside me.  Nice and warm and protected.  As awful and as torturous as the draining was when I hyper stimulated, I have already forgotten that pain.  I know when we hold our babies, when we kiss their cheeks, when we bring them home, all this stress and tears and puking and pains will be a distant memory as well.

I read more than I should have about what could happen with IVF, what could happen with a twin pregnancy.  I went in eyes wide open for the most part, share most all of it on here, full disclosure.  I had to date half of Jacksonville to find Jason but it was worth it to find him.  I've been blessed with the this pregnancy but just like my life with Jason, sometimes with the circumstances you're given, it's harder than I ever expected but the reward is also so much beyond what I ever dreamed I would have or deserve.

I'm so in love with Jason it's crazy.  I'm so tired of being home it's ridiculous.  I'm worrying about finances which is stupid.  Full Disclosure.  God didn't bring us this far to leave us.  I know that.  I believe it and I'm standing in that.

I'm blessed because the reason I'm so sick is because I am carrying the biggest blessings I could ever hope to have.  2 babies that will be all mine and Jasons!  I could not ask for more!!

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