Sunday, December 16, 2012

Tucker Harris Neu

I have waited so many years, wondering what my baby would look like.  I've spent the past few years wondering what Jason and my baby would look like.  I now know.  He was absolutely the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.  He was ours.  He had my lips.  My nose.  He is our creation of a love more powerful than anything I have ever known.

I don't know what to say. For such a public forum that I've chosen to document our journey on, this is such a personal thing.  But Tucker has been my greatest accomplishment, there is no way for me not to talk about him.

The past week has without a doubt been the hardest I have ever faced.  I have gotten thru it by having the most precious man beside me.  I have loved Jason with a love that I never really knew existed.  Having his baby is my proudest accomplishment.  

We are surrounded with more love and prayers than I could ever imagine.  Texts, calls, emails, flowers, messages of prayers, encouragement, sharing our's been completely overwhelming.  Our parents, our family, our faith and most importantly, our God, has made this something that hasn't, nor will it, break us.  

"Whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace.and though its hard to surrender to what I can't see, I'm giving in to something heavenly. Whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos But I believe, You're up to something bigger than me, larger than life, something heavenly."

Our grief comes in waves because there is still so much uncertainty.  Fletcher is holding on strong and I'm trying so hard to keep it together for this little guy who now fills the deep hole of loss his brother has left.  What a huge burden for him.  I'm pretty sure my little fighter is up for the challenge. We are being told everyday the odds aren't good. But we are also being told that I've made it further with him than they expected.  We need and covet your prayers for all of us. 

We didn't have long with Tucker but I can promise that a baby has never been more loved.  I'm not ready to talk about details, not sure that I ever will be.  But I just have to say that this hasn't broken me.  This has made my love for my husband so much stronger.  This has made my faith that much bigger.  I don't understand.  My heart is broken but I haven't lost hope that God is still writing our baby story.  

I am blessed because even thought it was much too short of a time, I know what it finally feels like to be a mom to the most beautiful of babies I will ever know.

Hold tight Fletcher. Your mommy and daddy will bring you home!  


  1. With tears in my eyes and love in my heart,mourning with you but holding on with faith . Hugs,Love and Prayers

  2. ... I thought you would like this