Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Mouth noises, regrets and starting over. Sigh

So apparently I'm not quite as neurotic as I thought. Or maybe more so since there's an actual name for the thing that drives me most batty in the world. Mouth noises. I usually have to get up and walk away from people making them because in my mind I imagine their heads exploding. It's a real phobia. Well not really a phobia it's called misophonia. But phobia sounds better.

I'm disappointed in myself lately. I've let people get to me. And it's made me bitter and angry. And I've said and acted in ways I wouldn't normally act. I don't really have an excuse other than I let my focus be on the wrong things. And it's made me forget about what's most important.

Being angry and saying snarky things doesn't make me a Non Christian. But it certainly doesnt glow of Christianity. And love. And compassion. I guess I need to figure out a way to keep those feelings in my heart when the crazy gets to be too much. Work stress, life stress, family stress, friends stress, outside things stress, they all pile on and when things outside of my control get to be too much, I bend, and unfortunately sometimes I also break.

I don't owe it to anyone else to be a better person. I owe it to myself. I know better. Everyday I'm called to be the best I can be. The best Christian, wife, mother, daughter, friend and sales person I can be. I'll fail. I'll fall short. As evidenced by some of the blogs on here. But I keep going. I keep trying.

I'm not perfect. Far from it. In this day and time you have to be careful what you say. A comment about your brother, or your friend, or a stranger or someone you barely know, or your husband or your dog can be misconstrued when read by the wrong person and cause all kinds of backlash.

I have a right to my feelings. I have a right to feel a certain way when I'm talked about and hurt and when lies are told about me. I have a right to defend myself. But I also have an obligation to be better and do better because I have Christ in my heart and when I let the devil in me through a snarky comment about an ex husband or someone who has hurt me or someone I see on the street then I lose.

"Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?"

Going to start remembering that more.

So what have we learned? Mouth noises drive me crazy, I'm not perfect and some days I lose it. Tomorrow is another day.

Blessed because I can start over. Again...

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