Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Tests, testing and being tested

I hate tests.  Always have.  I love reading, love learning.  Hate.  Tests.

We went to the dr last week and we have an action plan.  Feel 1000 times better after the appointment last week than I have in the last 6 weeks.  And it felt kind of forgotten, the whole baby making process, because we were kind of in a holding place.  Now we are out.  We have an IVF schedule, we have a list of tests we have to have done and we have an idea of what is going to happen over the next 60 days.

Jason had to have bloodwork done.  If insurance pays for it it's not much.  If insurance doesn't pay for it it could be as much as some people's mortgage payment.  Awesome.  He went to have it done today and he couldnt find the lab panel to take to the lab place.  So he called and left a message for the nurse requesting a new one.  I get an email an hour later from the nurse with a "heard Jason lost the first form, here's another." 

Did I mention we live in chaos?  It could be a thousand places and if I were a betting woman I'd say the demon pup will be expelling it any day now.

So he goes and gets the blood work done and a few other things I asked him to take care of.  He posts on my facebook "my list of crap to do is complete.  Will there be anything else Drill Sergeant? Oops I meant will there be anything else hunny bun.  Not drill sergeant.  Stupid auto correct."

Didn't know I married a comedian did you?  Payback will come in the form of me pumped full of hormones.  He's not going to know what hit in come August 20.  Evil laugh. 

So work is super frustrating right now.  I am so thankful for my job.  Just hitting a rough patch and trying my best to keep a positive outlook and know that God is sending me the right buyer for the right home.  I had a mother bring her children out to see the house she purchased and she hugged me, crying, calling me her hero.  How very humbling that I was able to help this woman realize her dream of owning a home.  That's why I keep doing what I do.  Even when I'm being tested at every turn, I may lose more buyers than I gain right now but I know the ones I get are the ones who need someone to believe in them and help them.  That is what this job is about for me.  Always something bigger than we see going on when we're being tested.

So I get home and have to take a genetic test for cystic fibrosis to make sure I'm not a carrier.  I have to gather enough spit in my mouth to fill this stupid little tube and I'm trying my best to not lose it and Jason walks by and it's important to point out, nothing really bothers him, he looks at me disgusted and said that noise of me squishing spit around in my mouth was about to make him gag.  I mean, I was having so much fun doing it myself and all.  This is exactly how I envisioned making a baby to be. 

I have to fill out a form to submit for this genetic testing.  Simple enough.  Asks my race.  White.  Well there was Caucasian (with something Jewish).  I dont even remember what the something was but I know I'm not Jewish.  There were no other options for Caucasian so I picked the one with Jewish.  Then it makes a drop down box to see what kind of Caucasian I am (????!!!!!????)  I DONT KNOW!!  Am I northern Europe, Southern Europe, Irish?  I DONT KNOW!!  I picked the Cajun/French one because I know my Grandma Squat lived in New Orleans and I grew up with Grandma trying to teach me French.

And then I got to pay for it.  What most people pay for a car payment I got to pay for my spit to be analyzed.  We'll see how sophisticated those tests are if they pick up that I'm not, in fact, Cajun.

I feel like I'm on the brink of losing it sometimes.  I just want a baby or two.  Going through all this is crazy and I haven't even started all the meds, shots, scans and blood work. 

"God changes caterpillars into butterflies, sand into pearls and coal into diamonds using time and pressure.  He's working on you the same way."  Rick Warren

Rick couldn't have spoken any louder or more profoundly to my heart than that today.

I'm going through some pruning.  I'm not sure the why but I know if God is bringing me to it, He's certainly going to see me through it.  The process may not be what I thought but I know the end result will be better than the butterflies, diamonds and pearls.  I'll have a baby or 2 on my hip and I know this test will have all been worth it.

Blessed because I know that God hasn't left me, the teacher is always quiet during the test...

1 comment:

  1. I've never heard that quote...it's pretty AMAZING!!!!! Love you