Our babies are the size of limes. Matched with my ovaries that are the size of grapefruits it's no surprise I pee all the time. I worry I will soon start to smell like a nursing home. The pressure is getting greater, hopefully from the babies becoming fruit and not my ovaries growing more.
7% of woman have pee problems this soon in pregnancy. I have pretty much hit and exceeded all the low percentage of things happening during IVF and pregnancy. These babies are worth it. Makes for good stories at least. And I'll be keeping the granny panty companies in business for the next 6 months.
I have a pretty good idea of what kind of mother I'll be. One who encourages and is involved and is creative and fun. Who loses her temper when pushed to the edge. Who cries when her babies are hurting and she can't help or make it better. Who prays for her kids every day and night that they will be what God has made them to be, that she will be able to raise them with love, grace, compassion and unconditional acceptance, and will always push them to find the good in people.
I've been a step mother 2 times in my life. The first time was deceptive to what being a step parent means because I got the pleasure and joy of raising J alone a lot of the time. I potty trained, I taught abc's, I disciplined, I loved, we made memories, we had fun, we did what we wanted to do with not a lot of outside influence.
This time is different. The kids are older, their personalities were already set when I came into their lives. We don't have them full time. They have a life outside of Jason and I and we try to make the time we have with them as great as we can. But it's not a party at the Neu's when we have them. We don't try to put as much into a night or weekend as we can. We do family things. We have fun. We do crafts. We play. We do homework. We clean house. We disagree about things. We pray together. We laugh together. We get frustrated. We cry. We make memories. We have rules and we have expectations of how we are going to be and treat each other. Some times we stumble. We never stop trying.
We are pregnant, yes. We're going to have 2 more kids to add to the chaos and love and crazy and fun. We will face some growing times and some growing pains. I know we'll have a wonderful life with 7 people who love, respect and appreciate each other. I know that we will work on that, pray for that and strive for that everyday. In the face of trials and struggle and pain that faces every family we will never give up and never throw in the towel.
Life changes. You can control some things, others you can't. I have people in my life that break my heart. I have hurt and pain that some people I expected to be beside me on this pregnancy journey have decided not to make the trek along with me, it's not my loss. They say they pray for me. I'd rather maybe they just talk to me. Others won't say a word to me but assume they know me, they don't. I'm not a monster, I'm not a fake, I'm not a nasty person. I'm someone who has been given a lot and when much is given much is expected. I'm doing the best I can. And I'm learning, slowly and daily, that I can control what I can and God will and always has taken care of the rest.
Blessed because at the end of the day I have a beautiful man who is the father of my children, loving families and a wonderful life. For that, I can't be mad.
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