Friday, October 5, 2012

Head in the clouds. And toilet

Well the good new is I am definitely pregnant.  And I have heard that bad morning sickness is a good indication that the babies are doing well.  As true to form with our overachieving babies, they must be super healthy as I am super pukey for the better part of 24/7.

Last week I spent some time in the hospital.  Couldn't keep anything down and was getting dehydrated. So I was hooked up to IV fluids and anti nausea meds.  They wanted to keep my longer than they did but I was so seriously *this close* to losing it, they sent me home with a script for 2 meds.

I'd like to say that has helped but it hasn't.  They added a 3rd medicine into the mix and I think it's starting to work.  I'm down to throwing up 4-5 times a day.

Pregnancy brain is a very real thing.  I have pretty much lost my mind and any common sense I had, which we all know wasn't much.  I am not able to do much.  I go from tired to exhausted in 2 seconds and get dizzy and light headed.  I pass out too, fun times for all.  I haven't worked in a long time, I've been on bed rest for the better part of 2 months it seems.  Going from the OHSS where I was absolutely miserable in pain and bloated to non stop motion sickness which I am pretty sure is the worst kind of sick to be.

Why has it been so long since I've blogged?  Because I haven't wanted to complain.  I am trying so hard not to complain but I am so over being sick and tired and confined to my bed for 20 hours of the day.  Jason has stepped up major with the housework.  He has to.  Because the 1 time I tried to do something I almost cost us hundreds of dollars.

I decided since I was spending so much time with my face in the toilet that I needed to clean it.  We had these disposable toilet wand cleaner things that work well.  You  flush them after you use them.  Then we bought some cleaning toilet bowl sponge things that you don't flush.  Guess which ones I used.  And then flushed.  And then tried to stop from going down the drain with the stick.  Didn't work.  Then I threw up in the toilet. Which didn't flush so well.  Because some idiot flushed a sponge.  So, I had to admit to Jason what I had done.  He was not too happy that 1. I had flushed it and 2. That I waited until after I threw up on top of what I had flushed to let him know that he had to go in after it.  I'm pretty sure he wanted to kill me.  I actually saw it in his eyes.  He doesn't do vomit.  At all.  He was a trooper and tried to get it.  After he had put a garbage bag over his arm with 2 rubber gloves TAPED with electrical tape.  He didn't get it.  He had to take the toilet apart.

I have gotten out of housework.

I am also bi-polar and crazy.  And of the 3 dinners I eat each night, 1 usually stays down.  I cry a lot, I am frustrated a lot, I am annoyed very easily.  I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy because it is such an answer to so so many prayers but let's be honest, right now I'm doing well not to throw up at every smell, sound and smell.  Seriously, what is up with the super human smell ability? I don't need or want this.

When I was in the hospital and nurses came in they would ask if I was pregnant and I've always been so used to saying no that it took some getting used to saying yes.  And then I got to say over and over I have twins.  I have TWO babies growing strong inside me.  Amazing.  During the ultrasosund in the hospital it was pretty scary.  The tech wasn't exactly sure what she was looking at because I guess I am still a complete wreck inside.  My ovaries are still huge, they are covered with cysts and I still had a lot of fluid in there.  She looks confused and when I asked if she saw the babies and were they ok, she said she wasn't sure she'd have to get the Dr.  My heart dropped and I looked at Jason and he looked panicked and then I had a peace wash over me.  Then when she got her bearings inside the chaos that is my insides, she saw Baby A and Baby B and they both looked beautiful and strong with strong heartbeats.

I never take the easy path.  Ever.  But I have come to find that my endings are always more than I expected.  These babies just want me to think of them, constantly and always I guess.  Jason read them their first bedtime story the other night.  How it is so possible to already be so in love with 2 babies that make me puke my guts out, cry more than not and sleep more than I thought possible, I cannot even imagine how much my heart will explode when I am holding mine and Jason's miracles...

That day can't get here fast enough.  Blessed because God saw us fit to make that our reality.   Now if you'll excuse me, I have some ice cream to eat before I throw it up.  Xo

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