Sunday, April 15, 2012

Punch cards, ignorance and throwing stones...

This week I had a dr's appt. The first of 4 or 5 over the next few weeks. Jason went with me of course because he's awesome like that. I had to have a scan so I'm sitting on the table with a paper napkin over my lap. Fun times. Then the dr walks in with a nurse and a PA. Everyone is chit chatting making small talk as they are determining, quite painfully, that I have no cysts and should be clear to move forward. Jason is standing back taking it all in. So I sit back up, again, covered with a paper napkin, as the dr is figuring out our course of action. The conversation goes a little like this.."We'll start you on the pills then bring you in for a scan, then we'll do a few rounds of shots and bring you in for a scan, then if all goes well, yep, another scan, then blah blah blah..." The scans are $150 each. So within the course of a few minutes of blah blah blah I'm hearing cha ching cha ching cha ching. So my lovely husband says, in all sincerity " Do you have a punch card?" Everyone stops and looks at him. "You know, like they have at the gas station for when you buy 5 cups of coffee the 6th is free? Do you have something like that for all these scans?" Ha! Doc was like, yea, we can work something out! Way to negotiate babe!

Ignorance is bliss. I truly believe this. For when you go looking, seeking or searching to find out
things you probably shouldn't know, that's when feelings get hurt, people get mad, you get anxious or frustrated. I have an opinion. As evidenced by this blog. This is basically an online journal so I invite you to read this with the understanding you may not agree with , like, or understand what I write about. Probably the only way you will truly know my heart, know how I feel about things, is to talk to me. If you read this blog feeling paranoid, you could make it all about you. If you read it feeling discouraged, you may find it to be encouraging. If you read it feeling sad, you may walk away feeling a little bit better. If you read it with the intention of finding something between the lines that may or may not mean something else, yep, probably find that as well.

I'm allowed to disagree with people. If you treat your parents a certain way that goes against everything that is right, I have the right to think you are wrong. If you make a decision that affects my life, my mood or my future, I certainly have a right to talk about it to my friends, on my blog or my facebook. If we are friends on facebook or you read my blog and you see something I wrote that you disagree with, ask me about it. IF we aren't friends and you somehow came across it I understand it may be embarrassing to ask me about it but I'm open, ask away! My point is...I won't apologize for thinking as I do. I won't stop being myself in order to gain the approval of people who have made it obvious they will never see the good in me. I'm not going to waste anymore time worrying about how so and so may interpret my blog when, quite frankly, it's none of your business.

I'm plain ole worn out of being judged. Of being held to a higher regard than people hold themselves to. Of having things held against me that I did or said or didnt say or do, years ago. Who hasnt made a mistake? Or a lot of mistakes? How do you grow as a person when you can't admit you've made mistakes? Who hasn't done something they wish they hadn't? Time to be honest with ourselves and take a good hard look in the mirror. I remember a story of a pastor that handed out little stones to his congregation the morning before service. He had a guest speaker that was a Christian artist that had an affair and was very publicly judged. Before he introduced the speaker he asked everyone to take out their pebble. And whoever was without sin, please go ahead and cast it. Silence. Could have heard a pin drop. Not fun to have a big ole mirror held to your face huh?

This is going to be a great week. I've had a good weekend at work, we had fun with the kids, tonight I'm going to a concert with my wonderfully involved husband and I just get to relax. I am so in love with my life and so beyond excited to see what is coming next.

I'm blessed because I know that I am a sinner only saved by God's grace. And for my husband trying to score some free procedures from the doc! You rock, my dude! I love you!

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