Friday, January 6, 2012

Chin hairs, high heels and heartache

I am blonde and don't have a lot of unwanted hair. Thankfully. I have the threader spring thing to make sure I dont look like Chewbacca. I have a thing with plucking. Ask Jason. It's one of the reasons he married me. Ha, kidding. He hates it. But I make sure that I don't have a blonde uni brow, mustache, yada yada. Never been an issue. Last night I found a dark chin hair. I'm pretty sure it's all downhill from here.

This blog has a broader audience than I realized. I have always lived my life with my heart on my sleeve. I can't change that about myself. This blog started out as something for me to get my feelings outside of myself because it's the only way I can process my thoughts. Through my posts I get emails and comments that it's encouraged someone. Or touched someone. Or made someone else think about things differently. That makes me keep blogging.

I'm not ashamed of what I've gone through. On the other side of miserable, lonely and sad now I can look back through the blogs and see the steps I've gone through towards healing. And who it brought me too. That anyone would use this blog as anything other than what it's intended for makes me sad. Because I live my life to make other's feel special. To help other's through their journeys. To share in the stories these blogs bring to my life. If I made someone feel less lonely then it's worth the transparency I bring.

Life has gotten really complicated over the past few days. Marrying a man who had kids was something I shy'd away from for a long time because of what I went through. I prayed that God would lead me to the right man for me. And He did. And he had 3 kids.

The story starts there. My mom tonight told me that she has been praying for the circumstances in her life to not have an ending but a beautiful ending. How do you get there other than having a starting point..

Anytime you come into anyone else's life you bring baggage. And I have always said that I have baggage. But my baggage is the expensive, pretty kind. Totally being literal here because my Ralph Lauren baggage is pretty. My emotional baggge is not. The man I married had baggage. And the more in the baggage I get the more I see what it is. It's 3 beautiful kids who are confused. They live 2 separate lives. With us and without us. We pray for them every night. That we can be the right example, that they are loved and protected. That they know we love them and have their best interest at heart. Always.

Sometimes the right answer isn't the easiest answer. Sometimes the decision we make through tears have to be made. And we are able to make those decisions because they are covered in prayer. Kids don't always understand. And that's a hard line to toe. Even harder in high heels. But we as the parents have an obligation to make the best decision for the kids. Even when it hurts.

There's a lot I would like to say but I have to not right now. When you make your life about someone else it's a recipe for disaster. I've said this before and in the wise words of Max Lucado, what you dwell on becomes your giant. I can't control how others look at me. I can't control how other's live their lives. What I can control is what I dwell on and what I choose to make larger in my life.

2012 is a pruning year. It's the 6th day in the year and it's been a tough 6 days. It's been hard choices, a lot of prayer and even more heartache. I didn't always understand the reasoning behind my parents decisions when I was growing up. With kids now that fall under our influence I have a greater appreciation.

People will judge. It's human nature. People will envy. It's human nature. What isn't human nature is hurting other's out of spite and resentment. Or maybe that is a human nature for some. That makes me sad. It's time we all take a hard look in the mirror and make sure we are living a life that is honest, real and sincere. That the decisions we make for ourselves that affect others aren't done on a whim.

My life is transparent. I have a husband I adore. I have 3 stepkids I love. I have parents and inlaws who are so supportive it makes me stand in awe. If they have so much love for us, if they have our best at heart, how much more does our Father God have for us?

I've had 4 amazing male examples in my life. My dad, my Papaw, my Popsy and my husband. They have protected me. They have adored me. They have disciplined me. They have scolded me when I was wrong and they have directed me. They have guided me and they have loved me. They have never judged me. I love them all. I respect them all. Not because they always told me what I wanted to hear. Not because they always gave in to everything I asked for. Because they have all loved me enough to tell me No when it was needed. To listen to me. To trust in me. And I respect them all for that. I feel so safe in my husband's arms. How much more does our Heavenly Father want to comfort me?

One of my favorite songs right now is "Always" by Kristian Stanfill "My foes are many, they rise against me But I will hold my ground I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm My help is on the way, my help is on the way."

My foes are many. But this battle is not mine to fight. Jason and I are united in loving our 3 kids, we are united in growing our relationship and we are united in supporting each other.

Through chin hairs, heartache and tears, we will stand together. Him 6'3 and handsome. Me in my high heels, we'll carry on through life with our beautiful baggage we will never give up on, replace or let go of.

Blessed because God is guiding us. I pray the same for you.

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