Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Skiing, family and drama...

This Christmas was one for the books. We surprised the kids with a trip to KY and skiing. And a game at Rupp arena, my favorite place on earth. Sold out game and dad was able to get 15 seats so a whole group of our family got to sit together and had a blast. And made so many memories. It was wonderful.

And now back to reality.

Today on the way to work I prayed, as I always do. That my heart would be right. That I would be able to be whatever I was needed to be to whoever I met or talked to. That I would have a servant's heart no matter the situation or whatever was thrown at me. I felt good.

That lasted until about 2pm. When I found out that the bain of my existence had again reared it's (her) ugly head.

My life is so great. It's more than I could have ever asked for. On the trip back from KY I had 12 hours to do nothing so I read back through this blog. It's amazing to me how far God has brought me. The amazing man I have in Jason. Seeing him in KY with all my family warmed my heart. So many people hugged me and told me how great it was to see me so happy. To see me so me compared to the last time they had seen me. It's hard not to compare when you find yourself in situations you've been in before. When my ex husband went to KY with me it was terrible. It was me constantly making sure he was ok. That his feelings weren't hurt. That he wasn't feeling left out. I lost him at one point during the trip and I found him outside crying. Because he was upset about something. Did I mention it was for my Papaw's funeral that he was there? I spent my time making sure he was taken care of. This trip I lost Jason a few times. I found him playing basketball with the kids outside. Or helping my aunt fold clothes. Or talking to Nana. The differences will never be lost on me.

I will never get tired of saying how much I love that man and how thankful I am that he is in my life. He jokes and says he saved me. He didn't. I was in a really good place when I met him. But everyday he shows me what unconditional love is. What it means to love someone else more than yourself. I'm so blessed.

The trip had some lows. As life always does. Things with my family are still disappointing. Some people will always judge and hurt others. That's their issue. It's not mine. My parents are so giving. They give and give and give. And when it hurts to give sometimes, they give more. Is a good lesson in loving unconditionally. I'm still learning that.

There are a few people in my life that try their best to make it miserable. Daily. Trying to one up our parenting and steal the joy we share with the kids. It won't work. One day the kids will realize what it is we have given them. We may try to one up. Actually we do try. Everyday. To love them more, encourage them more and spend quality time with them that matters. It will matter to them one day when the thrill of trips, and clothes and tv's and electronics wears off. We give them that. And so much more. You can't buy love. Or memories. I'm holding on to that.

There are a few people in my family who hurt me. There are a few friends who have deleted me. They were there for me when I was miserable, they can't stand to be around me now that I'm happy. I don't rub what I have in anyone's face. But you can't hide what's real. You can say all day over facebook how much you love your life. Doesn't make it true.

I was annoyed today with the posers. I was angry with the people who copy me. I was ready to punch a few people for hurting those I love. But I prayed about it. Then I went to dinner with my handsome husband and had a nice dinner. I fell more in love with my husband tonight. If there's anything I could wish for others it would be that. That you find and know what falling MORE in love with someone feels like. It's pretty incredible.

You can't fake what's real. You can try. And what you end up with is a cheap substitution of what you'll never have. Keeping up with the Neu's can't happen. We're on the fast track to continuing the wonderful life we have together. If you're desperate to find that happiness, you have to find it for yourself. Copying what we have wont bring anything except wearing the wrong jewelry with the wrong shirt, looking goofy and going broke trying.

2011 brought me a husband, success at a job I love, a stronger relationship with 3 special kids and a great year with my parents, in laws and family.

2012 will bring much of the same. I'm praying for new friends, a church that we can call home, renewed friendships, more success at work, a great year with our kids, parents and family. And hopefully a neu baby (or 2)

God has blessed me with so much. And when much is given much is expected. I still stumble, I still fall. But as I told the kids on the ski slopes as they were crying out of frustration because they had fallen hard...the only way to get down is to get back up again. And the complete joy on their faces as they were flying down the slopes once they got back up, brushed the snow from their suits, is a great reminder that life isn't always easy but the journey is more than worth the frustration of the fall!

Blessed and excited to see what this year holds for the Neu's!

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