I wish someone would have so simply said this to me 4 years ago. Be patient. I promise that beautiful things will come. They have. Even through my impatience.
So much inside me. Today I volunteered to refurb a home. I have done this for years with my dad, since I was 14 or so. It's been years since I've done it. It was nice to give my time for something bigger than myself. Something that in no way benefited me monetarily. I missed 6 hours of work to do it. It was worth it. For this lesson if nothing else.
We were in the ghetto. Straight hood. Not even joking. You went to scaryland and turned left and it was right there. We were working on a house that was next to a vacant lot that was fenced in with 8' chain link fence. A friend and I climbed over the fence to clear out landscaping that had rotted on the other side. We were hauling tree limbs and such and the guys on the other side were loading it in the truck and would leave to go to the dumpster. At one point it was me and D, alone, inside this 8' fence, watching scary people walk past us. I'm trying not to judge or be dramatic but this is honestly somewhere we had no place being. I'm pretty sure I've seen it on COPS. I realized as 2 people walked back and started at us, we were inside this fence with no way out, how quickly things can change. Maybe it's the books I read, the shows I watch, or just an over active imagination, I was trying to figure out how best to climb a tree in case we were caught in a street fight or something. Life can change in an instant. Luckily for me it didn't.
Life as normal. I got back into my car, drove to the park and enjoyed the rest of the day with the kids, J and the dog. Then we met my parents for dinner, went for ice cream, went for a long walk, played and had a great night just being together. Enjoying my beautiful things.
My aunt wasn't feeling well and went to the ER and found out she had had a heart attack. The next day she had triple bypass. She's doing ok but lifed changed in an instant.
I watched someone run a red light today that could have very easily tboned the car that had the green light. Near misses all around us. Every day.
I'm being redundant but only because it's ridiculous. Life can change in an instant and people don't get it.
I'm so tired of the political commercials that have already started. The mudslinging. The politicking to bring people over to your side by bashing someone else. By grandstanding. By fake promises. By spreading lies. By manipulation. It's ugly and it's hateful. Unfortunately it's a reality in my life everyday.
People disappoint you. The older I get the more I see this. I'm judged. People don't like me because they don't know me. They have listened to mudslinging. Or judged me based on how I acted or reacted to life changes I had absolutely no idea how to handle. I'm far from perfect. I don't think I'm better than anyone else. I have apologized for things I was never meant to apologize for and where did it get me? Half past crazy is where it got me.
There are so many phone calls I want to make right now. So many texts, so many emails. The gist are all the same. Why? Why have you got so much resentment in your heart? Why have you so much anger that you can't see straight? What has so poisoned your heart that you are blind to what is most important in this world? Family doesn't work by ballot. You are born into the family God saw best to suit you. It's not always easy to make a family work but you never stop trying. You should certainly never politic a point to the point where sides are drawn.
Life can change in an instant. What's it take to bring people back together? A heart attack? A near death experience even if it was an imagined gun fight you were caught in? My heart is heavy. I don't know other people's hearts but I know mine.
On my soapbox I am grandstanding for forgiveness. Acceptance. Understanding. Healing and Reconciliation.
Sounds like a pipe dream. Sounds dramatic and all rainbows and butterflies. But as I have said before, I don't want just an ending. I'm waiting for a beautiful ending. To join my beautiful things that I have patiently waited for.
My life is changing. My heart is too. I'm blessed because I have allowed God to show me better
from bad. To show me love from hurt and to show me acceptance from judgement.Blessed everyday. More and more....
No comments:
Post a Comment