Monday, May 14, 2012

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Happy Mother's Day. 

Mother's Day is a weird day for me.  I had years when I wasn't a mom, obviously.  Then I had years where J made me Mother's Day gifts and cards that meant the world to me.  Then it was a bitter reminder of what I had lost.  The past few years the kids have made me cards, Jason has gotten me sweet cards and gifts and it was a good day again.

Yesterday was bittersweet for me.  I thought a lot about the woman in my life who have been so special to me.  Who have spent countless hours in prayer, for me.  It's always a humbling thought to know that someone has taken time out of their day to pray for you. 

Yesterday was a hard day for a lot of people I'm sure.  Those who have lost their moms, those who have lost their children.  I will never understand those who can take for granted the good people they have in their lives. 

2 girls I know lost their dads very unexpectedly.  I can't imagine anything worse than losing someone I love so much, hold so near and dear to my heart.  Here then gone.  Devastated for those friends.  I am Daddy's little girl.  My Mom is my go to person to talk to about everything.  She's talked me off more ledges than I can remember and we laugh and share things together.  My Nana is my heart.  My husband is my very best friend and my rock.  I can't imagine losing that. 

Stepping up on my soapbox...
Treat people better. Stop holding grudges, stop being mean, stop doing things with a hidden agenda.  It's hard to be judged for not playing by the rules you expect when you don't share the rules of your game.  Better still, stop playing games.  Love the people in your life.  Make the decision to let bygones be bygones and forgive.  You can't forget?  Maybe someone hurt you so bad that you can't forgive.  Ok!  Grow up enough to realize that people make mistakes.  But for the love of everything, recognize the parents, friends, spouse, kids, or whoever that you have in your life that cares about you and forgive them and move on!

I'm facing some tough decisions right now.  Luckily I have an amazingly handsome, supportive man facing those decisions with me.  Adoption is scary.  2nd opinions are confusing.  New information of things you thought weren't an option that are suddenly an option are exciting.  Maybe.  Can't get too excited because you don't know.  Life is full of things you don't know.  Whether it's infertility, unemployment, cancer, whatever, there's a lot of unknowns. 

I'm going to make the decision to focus on what I do know.  I have a heavenly Father who loves me and wants the best for me.  He won't lead me down the wrong path if I'm seeking the right one.  I have parents who would and have done anything they can for me.  I hope and pray that they know how much they mean to me, my husband, our kids and so many others.  I have a Nana who I pray can feel my arms around her in the biggest hug she deserves.  I have 3 kids that look to us for love, encouragement and direction.  If I focus on what I don't have, I'm losing sight of all I do.

Move on.
Love the people in your life that matter most.
Show the people who matter most that you love them.
Don't sweat the small stuff.  If it's all small stuff then figure out what you can stop sweating and start there.
Stop judging.
Stop hurting others.
Stop hurting yourself,
Start believing that better will find you when you're in a place to accept it.

If you woke up tomorrow with only what you'd thanked God for yesterday...what would you have?

I'm blessed because I know all I have and I'm thankful for it.  Everyday.  And if tomorrow I woke up with only that, I'd have way more than I ever deserved.

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