To say I'm on edge would be an understatement. To say I'm always on the verge of tears is pretty accurate. To say my life is total chaos is valid.
Last night was a terrible day. Got home and the house smelled like poop. Brand strikes again. Had to wait on Jason to get home to help me clean up the mess so the girls and I sat on the back porch because the smell was rank. We got the dog cleaned, got the floor mopped, homework done and the dog pukes. Then I have 3 kids and a husband gagging. I told them all to go to the bathroom if they were going to barf so they all take off that direction. Fab.
Today I felt good. Had on a cute dress, hair look good, jewelry was perfect. Mom got an award at work she didn't know she was getting, so Jason, Dad and I surprised her there. She was shocked and confused. Then her boss started talking about a servant's heart and how this person does so much for other's and I looked over and saw her crying so I grabbed her hand. It's sometimes hard to accept the good that other's see in us when we are faced with hard times. No one is more deserving of such a big time award than my mom and I thank God that she was able to see what other's have always seen in her. A Godly, caring, loving, completely unselfish person. Way to go Mom!
The day went downhill from there. I was walking out of one of my models with a coworker and she grabbed my hand and looked freaked. I looked behind me and saw a huge lizard and laughed, silly D. I kept walking and she couldnt talk, just looked a little panicked. I didnt see the snake that I was about to walk into. Awesome!
Had an event after work and was there with 100 of my closest friends. I'm at a table with 5 or 6 professional people and someone walks up to me and says, you dont recognize me, do you? I said, no I'm sorry, I don't. She said, Oh I'm your landlord. Hello, welcome to 2012, no one says that anymore! Mortified. Thanks lady for letting everyone know I am no longer a homeowner but a renter. Blah.
So I grab a glass of wine, brush myself off and go mingle. Right into the lion's den. Another clueless lady walks over and I've done business with her before and she was clearly enjoying the free bar and we start chatting. Then she asks when I'm due. Awesome! Well at this point I want to start crying and burn the high waisted babydoll dress I was wearing. So I didn't want her to feel stupid so I quickly say "June." She looks at my non 9 month pregnant stomach and the glass of wine I'm holding and think, Ok, she realizes her mistake. Nope. Do you know what you're having? Where is your dr located. HUMILIATED! Not only did I lie, I told the lady I was due in 2 weeks. And even with my way overstimulated stomach from 2 months of shots that makes me quite bloated, best I look 4 months pregnant. I'm special. She says, alright, if I don't see you before, good luck. Mortified. How I explain to her next time I see her and still not pregnant nor with a baby on my hip, I'm not sure. But hopefully the wine haze will erase her mind of that memory.
Then I notice some people chatting about me not so behind my back. One overheard the conversation about my faux pregnancy and asked someone else who I guess explained to them that I wasn't not only not pregnant but not able to get pregnant right now and that pretty nearly sent me over the edge. The mean people I know will have a field day that someone thought I was pregnant when I'm not. Those people feel free to text me and I'll be happy to tell you where to go.
Speaking of mean people...still don't like the lazy, the selfish. That hasn't changed.
Moral of the story...if you are going to lie to spare someone's feelings when they have asked a potentially embarrassing question, be quicker on your feet.
Blah blah blah.
Still waiting to hear back from the dr on the laundry list of questions that I asked. Still trying to figure out what direction God wants us to walk in. This is hard. Everyday is hard. I see more pregnant people on a daily basis than I ever have before in my life. I have a stressful job. I have stress in my life from selfish mean people that make me sad. Same as everyone else. Everyone is facing something, right?
Blessed because I waited until I got away from the crowd to break down. Pathetic maybe but jacked up on hormones wanting something desperately and dealing with humiliation, that is enough for me right now.
Tomorrow will be better.