Thursday, May 10, 2012

Dreams, diets and 2nd opinions

This trying to lose weight while your hormones are jacked up is for the birds.  I've been eating salads, drinking my weight in water (that number keeps going up,) working out and nothing!  I am usually someone that can lose weight quickly!  Give me 5 days and I'll be down 10 lbs.  I woke up this morning and got on the scale and nothing!  Hadn't moved.  I was furious.  Then a little panicky.  Everyone says it gets harder to lose weight the older you get, had it happened over night?!  Then a few hours later, aunt Flo came to town and I realized why I've been feeling like I want to be off to myself, bloated and crabby.  Bless Jason's heart.  So, we aren't pregnant with a miracle baby and I know why I have gained weight this week.  Ebbs and flows.  Haha.  Literally!

The other night I had a dream about the other Dr B in my life, my obgyn.  Hadn't really thought about him in awhile bc this time last year is when he referred me to Dr B.  I decided to stop at Starbucks on my way to work, it hadn't been in the budget for the past few months but I found a gift card so decided to go.  I went in and ordered my iced skinny vanilla latte and look over to where you pick your drink up and Dr B is there.  The Dr B from my dream, not the Dr B I have seen constantly over the past few months.  I didn't know if he'd recognize me and I am not one of those "I know you, do you know me?!" kinda people so I wasn't going to say anything to him.  He waves to me so I walk over and he says "hey there, how you been?"  We chit chatted and I asked what he was up to and he said "Well I really shouldn't be here as I am running late and am needed shortly for a delivery but I had to have my coffee."   He got his coffee and was off with a wave and a see ya soon.  Luckily before I blurted out that I had a dream about him the night before.  I am brain fried and stupid and that isn't out of the realm of things I've been known to say to people.  But regardless, random!

We are considering a 2nd opinion.  Just to make sure that we are on the right path, that the opinions are in line with each other, yada yada.  Been praying still and always, for guidance and direction.  We're weighing options, schedules, timing, finances, loans, success rates and so much more to make sure we are making the right decision for ourselves, our family and our future babies. 

In the mean time we are also looking at adoption.  Our companies help with some of the adoptions costs so we are info gathering on that.  Did you know there are adoption factories in other parts of the world?  Factories!  How sad!  And some countries the kids are horribly mistreated and most all have emotional problems.  Other countries they are seemingly heathy and well adjusted.  How would you ever make a decision like that?  What country to get a child from?!  Do you choose one who is easier to love or one who would seem needed it more?

Could have been a fluke that I had a dream about Dr B and then see him a few hours later in a place I hadn't been in months, in a place he shouldnt have been because he was running late.  But I think it was just another butterfly moment from God saying, "Hellooooo, still here.  And still in control of all this for ya!"  He is the Dr that will be seeing me through my pregnancy.  He is the dr that will deliver my baby!  I firmly believe that God showed me him when I needed a nudge in the direction of standing in the promise of having our own baby, from my own body, from the Dr I love so much!

Just had a buyer in my model.  She started crying because her son lied to her and she was heartbroken.  She kept saying, she loves her son, why would he hurt her, why would he lie to her?  Broke my heart because all I could do was hug her, tell her I was sorry and that it hard when people we love hurt us. 

A friend of mine is going through the pain of a miscarriage.  I can't imagine.  My pain was great when I faced that before but it pales to this.  I can't imagine what that would be like now.  To want something so badly, to pray for something and to finally have it just to lose it.  It's hard to feel God's will in that, even when we know it's there. 

Be kinder than necessary to others. You never know what kind of battles they are facing.

I'm blessed because even though I'm growing by the day and not from the reason I would have hoped, I have enough good things in my life to keep me happy!  Today it is fab hair and great shoes and for today, that's enough!

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