Thursday, February 7, 2013

One boy, one girl

Once upon a time I met a handsome man. And we got married 8 months later and lived happily ever after.

Haha. I wish.

Married the handsome man 8 months after we met, that part's true. I would have married him 8 days after I think.

I don't know what it is about he and I that works so well together but man, what we have really works together. Being both our 2nd marriages may have something to do with it, not sure. We certainly appreciate what we have in each other. I never put much stock into souls mates, kindred spirits blah blah blah but I can say I know for sure what it means to love someone more today than yesterday. It's kind of the best feeling in the world.

Jason is strong. One of the strongest people I know. I wish I didn't know the depth of his strength, honestly. You only get to know that through pain and heartache. Thinking about our time in the hospital and all we have been through, and the past year really, I was able to make it to where I am now bc of him.

He makes me want to be better. Be stronger. He makes me laugh out loud more times during the day than I can count. He has carried the sucky burden of doing all the sucky things like picking up the boys ashes, dealing w insurance, hospital, dr's billing department, the tree stuff... Anything that needs to be done he has taken care of. I know how much he loves me because that is something he wants to run from as much as I do but does it because he knows I'm not strong enough yet to do it. Or maybe I'm strong enough but he doesn't want me to face anymore pain. He does that for me. Shields me from pain as much as he can even when it means he has to face it head on.

I wish I could do the same for him. I wish he didn't have to be so strong. I wish that the little boys I dreamed of wrecking havoc on our home and getting bruised up for doing silly things boys do together and learning manly things from their daddy wasn't only a dream now. That's something that hurts. That I will never get to see him being his amazing self with Tucker and Fletcher. But I will forever remember the care, tenderness and love he showed our boys while we held them. While we loved them and when we lost them.

I get to see him being a special Daddy to 3 special kids that love him and need him. I get to see him being a grateful son, a thankful son in law that would do anything in the world for those he loves. And even those he doesn't.

I'm bragging, I know. I knew that God would bless me with a special man. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd land someone like Jason.

I'm blessed. Beyond anything I deserve, I have a man who loves me, who takes care of me, who understands me and who shares a love and pain and longing no one else can truly understand that will forever bond us together. I hate the reason we found out our love is made to last and I hope I never take for granted what a precious, special man I have in my best friend. My husband. My world.

I love you, my dude! More every day!

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