Monday, February 11, 2013

So long, farewell...we're moving!!

The Neu's are relocating.

Only 10 miles away but still.

It was time for a change. We are leaving our 4 bed/3 bath home with a beautiful lake view in a neighborhood of boring people for a 3 story condo in the heart of the town center close to all my favorite things with a beautiful view of convenience.

Movin on up!

Literally. Our bedroom is on the 3rd floor. For those bad at math, that's 2 flights of stairs. Garage and rooms are on the 1st floor. The kitchen and family room is on 2nd. Bedrooms on 3rd. Why this seems exciting and cool I have no idea. Its a lot of stairs. When we showed the kids we told them to act cool in front of the agent. They walk in and scream that they LUUUVV it and dance and laugh and talk all over each other about how much they want it and love it and can we puh-lease get it. We are a subtle kind of family.


We will be spittin distance to Publix, Starbucks, shopping, dining and target! Oh, my!

We are excited and ready for change. This house is big and yet it feels suffocating. We need change. We need something new. We need a project.

I have taken up painting. And redoing furniture. It's been therapeutic for me, I love creating something from nothing. And when I screw up or don't like it I paint over the mistake until it becomes what I want it to be. Sometimes I think I created a huge mess. Until I take a few steps back, get a different perspective and see I've created a really fab piece!

Lesson there probably. But right now I feel like lessons are flying over my head.

Anger is subsiding. It's been replaced with, wait for it, terrifying anxiety and panic attacks. Awesome!! This is just nuts. The smallest thing sends me into a tailspin and or a complete meltdown. My coping skills are gone. I have negative self esteem. This I don't understand. I know I didn't fail. How have I convinced myself, then, that I'm a complete failure and can't do anything right?! It's not a pity party. It's my reality right now and I need to figure this out.

I'm a mess. I can admit that. But I am trying my hardest to figure out how to stop being such a mess. I'm really scared that this feeling of total emptiness will never go away and with that the tears that are always close to spilling over, the meltdown that is one change of plans away from happening and anxiety from seeing a baby, a mom, a carseat or anything baby ish will always push me over the edge into total panic.

I miss being my neurotic mess of a person. I know neurotic. Neurotic is comfortable to me. This skittish, scared, anxious me is a sucky replacement for who I used to be. Yes, I'm lonely for my neurotic old self. *nutcase*

I'm moving forward. I think. I'm getting out of the bed, out of the house. I'm trying to go places myself. Trying to go places that push the envelope of the crazys.

But I'm still a mess. I need a change. I'm happy w my husband, will never change my hair, can't change what happened so I guess moving up to a 3 story condo is change enough for now.

We'll see...

3 story. So, uh, anyone free to move furniture in a few weeks?! Haha. Kidding. Kind of. No, really. So, yea, let me know!

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