Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Blind faith

The meds have entered my body.  And made themselves known.  I'm only on one shot right now, I start the others on Friday.  The one now is the one that sends my body into a fake menopause.  And then I got my period.  Bad.  Full force.  This is one crazy ride let me tell you.  Only real side effect I've had so far have been headaches.  They got pretty bad and then Sunday night it was more than I could handle.  I cried, I threw up, I honestly felt like my head was going to explode.  I couldn't stand any noise, any light.  Jason rubbed my head and tried to make it better.  Finally found that if I wrapped a pashmina scarf around my head tightly 3 times it helped.  Who knew fashion could be so functional during IVF.

I was beyond frustrated.  I couldn't work yesterday as my head was still throbbing, my face and eyes were swollen.  Not sure if from the migraine, they tears or the puking but I was a sight.  I had talked to mom and dad the night before to get suggestions that only parents can give when you don't feel well, so they knew from my voice how bad I felt.  I was covered in prayer before I got off the phone.

Mom prayed for me, amongst other things, that I would one day soon be holding our baby.  She was sharing my headache pain with a coworker and asking for prayer for me and he made the comment that when I was holding my baby I'd forget all I went through to get there.  God is constantly reminding me, through others when I need it, that I will have our baby.  I believe that!

Sales have been hard to come by lately.  Another huge source of frustration.  Sat I had a buyer who I knew was visually impaired.  I walked him and his wife and son through a few houses and he was leaning on me quite a bit.  I was holding his hand through the house and was walking him through the plans room by room explaining the windows and the layout. I was under the impression that he could see some, just not great.  He came back today and I sold that sweet family a home.  I also found out during our time together that he is completely blind.  He was leaning on me to help him see what he had no way of seeing with his own eyes.  As I was describing the light coming through the windows, the trees overlooking the back lanai, he had a smile on his face and looked very content.

He trusted me.  He couldn't see what I was telling him.  He couldn't see the house we were standing in but he knew we were there.  He could get a sense of what it was like from the sounds and smells and echos.  He wasn't freaking out about the what ifs and the whys and how's.  He told me what was important to him, I explained we could get him what he wanted, and he trusted me.  When I gave him a hug after we were finished he held on tight and kind of took me by surprise.  He was feeling on me then he touched my hair.  I realized he was seeing me the only way he could.

I am believing the only way I can.  I know our babies will be sitting in my lap.  I can see them, I can feel them, I can smell them.  Right now that's through my dreams.  Not because I have experienced that yet but because God has placed such a real desire in my heart that only can come from Him. 

I was taught today a real life lesson in blind faith.  I will never again doubt in the dark what God shows me in the light.  So blessed because I am loved, encouraged and right exactly where I am meant to be.  With my beautiful, loving husband by my side holding my hand on our journey to get to our baby.

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