Saturday, August 18, 2012

Poked, Prodded and Pregnant

Hopefully very soon on that last "P."  Oh yea!

Went to the dr yesterday for "Decision Friday" and the decision was next week all the fun begins!  YEEHAW!!  Morning started off rocky.  Nurse poked me twice and couldn't get enough blood.  I'm not good with blood draws.  I get fainty and woozy on a good day.  Stick 1 didn't get enough blood.  Stick 2 wasn't getting enough blood so she's moving the needle deeper and I'm trying not to pass out, Jason is coaching me on blood draw breathing and then I feel the needle rip out, hear the nurse scream an expletive and then look and see blood kind of gushing out of my arm.  Then saw it kind of splattered on the floor.  And my file.  I didn't pass out!  I'm getting pretty impressed with myself.  The poor nurse was mortified so I was trying to make her feel better, then my fave nurse comes in and sticks me and gets what they need.

THEN the fun!  I'm prodded and it's good news.  Very good news.  I have about 30 follicles ready to be retrieved.  The nurses are kind of high fiving us and seems we are the poster child for what IVF ovaries should look like.   It's a well earned title let me tell you.  I've moved up a size in pants and I actually felt like a demon last night.  I digress.  We are scheduled for Jason on Monday, me on Tuesday and transfer day either Fri or Sun.  OMGGGGGGGGGG!!!  This is for real. 

For such a stressful, emotional journey, I'm on cloud 9.  I had so many questions of was this the right path for us, right Dr for us yada yada and I can tell you I have never felt so sure about such a huge decision.  I credit that to the faithful prayers of all my amazing prayer warriors.  Humbled!  Thank you!  This whole IVF thing has been good.  I mean aside from my moodiness, cramps, growth, meanness, and moodiness.  But we are going to be pregnant soon!  I really believe that and I'm holding onto that.

All this has brought out the good, bad and ugly.  In me and in others.  We have so many people standing beside us and claiming baby victory with us, so many encouraging us and praying for us.  It's overwhelming.  I also have anger and bitterness and hatred directed towards me which is amazing.  I'm hated because my husband and I are happy.  Because we are growing together and growing our family.  I don't understand the ugly that is out there and sometimes it takes me back for a minute BUT WE'RE GOING TO BE PREGNANT SOON YIPPEE, so the ugly doesn't take me back for long, just long enough for me to see the ugly, acknowledge the ugly and determine that I will never allow myself to be that ugly.

So the next week will be exciting.  I know Jason will take great care of me.  I'll take great care of him and we'll take great care of each other knowing that at the end of this we will be that much closer to having what we want.  God's plan is bigger than us.  Always has been.  Sometimes we get in our own way, sometimes it takes longer than we want, sometimes it hurts more than we think it should.  We are in no way naive to the percentages and what could happen but our faith is reminding us that God will supply what we need.  In His time.  Next week, next month, next year.  In God's perfect timing.

Thank you thank you thank you all for sharing this with us.  Next week we will greatly appreciate your continued prayers as our procedures are done, our babies grow in a bowl before they grow in me and that in a few short weeks we will have our answer.  And God will be with us every step of the way!

Blessed because I am jacked up on soo many meds and hormones and I haven't acted in my urge to throat punch anyone, I have a smile on my face and I'm so excited about next week I can't stand it.  We are counting that as success!! 


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