Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Overachieving embryos

I got baby embryos growing in my belly!  I'm standing in faith believing that!  Plus I look 6 months pregnant so that helps!

Crazy few days.  It's absolutely overwhelming how everything is working together.  "Where 2 or 3 are gathered." "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it."  "For I know the plans I have for you..."

I just want to say thank you to everyone who is in this with us.  I called Mom at work last week to tell her we had 22 embryos and she was in the office with a lot of people around her and she says out loud "22 embryos" and I hear loud yells of excitement go up from people I know have been praying us through this.  And the emails and texts and messages have been so uplifting.  When we started this process and I prayed about whether to talk about this or not, this is more than I expected.  So, thank you!  What a blessing you all have been to me and Jason.

With that being said, it wasn't a fun week.  We were like the bedridden wounded.  I have been so incredibly bloated that I haven't been able to do anything.  Breathing takes work.  Jason has been taking great care of me and we have only threatened to kill each other a few times. 

Sunday was the day.  I didn't get much sleep as I was praying a lot and wondering.  We didn't know anything about the embryos other than we had 22 on Thursday and they had a lot of work to do before Sunday.  I have to tell you, I have had a very calming peace around me this whole time.  This is not like me at all.  God has given me a patience I've never really had.  It's a nice change from the neurotic I'm used to.   There was never really a question in my heart of whether we would have enough embryos.  Whether things would work out.  It wasn't naivety, it was God's comfort and maybe a little dose of Holy Boldness. 

We got to the fertility clinic and I'm laying in the stirrups ready to get everything started.  Jason is at my head kind of holding my hand, the nurse has the ultrasound on my belly and Dr B is ready for action.  The embryologist comes out of his secret den of miracle babies and asks me my name and birthday to make sure it's me.  He confirms and goes back in to get our babies.  Dr B asks how old I am and I said I'd be 33 in November.  Jason was quick to point out I'll be 34 in November.  Oops.  Thanks babe!

We have a little conversation and Dr B says we have 18 embryos!  18!!!!  So lets put this in perspective.  I'm clearly no expert but I've done quite a bit of research.  Average egg retrieval is 5-10.  I had 24.  GOOD eggs.  Most couples hope for 3-5 embryos.  I had 18.  And many of them were the best grade they give.  I'm telling you, our babies are already showing off.  Dr B sounded kind of giddy almost with how great everything has gone.  As a Christian man and Dr I know that he believes that God has been all over this as much as we do. 

So.  I am with embryos.  I have had to take it easy the past few days and the next few weeks will be much of the same.  These little baby embryos need to get comfy and make themselves at home over the next 9 months.  We find out in 2 weeks how things are progressing and continue to pray expectantly.

God is so good.  I have no doubt that we have growing inside me what we have been praying for.  That will be confirmed in a few weeks with a blood test.  I appreciate the prayers of so many people who continue to share our excitement, our prayers that my body is healthy and the babies will grow, and who will celebrate with us when we get the wonderful news we are expecting.  Standing firm in that belief!

I have never been more in love with my husband than I am now.  We have been on bed rest which might suck if you weren't laying there with your best friend and the absolute love of your life.  We have laughed until we've cried, we've prayed, we've talked about the future and we've just really taken the time to appreciate all that we have been shown and given through this journey we are on.   I love him so much as my husband and best friend.  I love him for so many reasons.  I can't wait to love him as my baby's daddy!

Blessed so beyond anything I could have hoped for because right now I know how much we are loved and taken care of and protected.  By God, our family and sweet friends.  And whatever pain and discomfort we've been through is already forgotten as in my heart I know that God has blessed us with what we have so faithfully prayed for.  Whether it's 1, 2 or 18 babies in God's timing we'll be holding those blessings!

Friday, August 24, 2012

Labor of Love.

Oy Vay.

Before I started this process I got the opinions of many.  Some shocked me, others kind of terrified me but most were reassuring.  I can tell you pretty candily, I hope no one asks my honest opinion anytime soon.  Girl needs to decompress.  And it's not even finished yet.

This has been an exciting week full of God's wonderful answers to our prayers and the prayers of so many of our faithful family and friends.  Jason went in for surgery Monday morning at 7am and handled it like a champ.  I went back to see him in recovery and he was squalling about his dress being too short and not covering him well enough and unbeknowits to him, making the 2 woman on either side of the curtain laugh and get their mind off what they were there for.  "This dress shows my stuff, they need a man gown.  This is for girls.  My shoulders hung off the sides of the table, they need a man table.  Get me out of here, now.  I'm ready to go home.  MY butt was hanging out of the back of this gown.  MY stuff was showing."  Now, bless his heart, I probably share way too much on here but it makes me laugh.  He is such a trooper.  And yes, the gown he was wearing was a woman's large, not made for a man that is 6'6 such as himself.  And the bed he was on during surgery is mostly used for woman.  So he was kind of like an adorable bull in a fertilitly clinic china shop.  GREAT NEWS FOR JASON!!  Dr B got all he needed from that handsome man of mine. 

The next morning at 7am we are back again for me to have a go.  The ladies on either side of Jason had 8-10 eggs retrieved.  I had 24!  24 eggs!!!!  No wonder I look like a beast, I was hatching 2 dozen eggs.  Great news again!!  Thanks be to God for taking care of everything above and beyond what we hoped and prayed for.  Then I woke up.  Holy cow I was in pain.  Like serious, crying immediately pain.  Got home with some good drugs and slept most of the day and night.  The next day it was more of the same.  Everyime I moved I threw up and then kinda passed out.  Went to the Dr and the conversation goes a little something like this.  Probably TMI for everyone but I'm suffering through this and you logged on. 

"Woman think they don't have balls like men, but they do, they are just inside and are called ovaries.  They are equally as sensitive. Yours are usually the size of almonds but both are now blown up to the size of large softballs.  Everytime you move you can feel it and they are pressing on your stomach and making you throw up.  And are also pressing on your intestines and blocking you.  The pain is because I was basically spearfishing (I may be paraphasing) with a probe and a needle, puncturing the follicle, sucking out the egg and then going to the next.  24 times.  So yes, you will be in pain, stay off your feet and take it easy."


As we were laying on the table after his pep talk waiting on a script for meds, he went across the hall to do a sonogram on a newly pregnant momma.  We heard the whole thing and we could hear the heartbeat.  I kind of just lost it.  Was laying there crying, with my husband beside me, listening to a woman's miracle in the next room, knowing our miracles were growing somewhere in that building.

The next day we got the news we had...drum roll please........22 embryos!!  Holy crap!  That's great news.  We are doing a 5 day transfer which means on Sunday at 10am the best 2 of the bunch, our lil overachievers, will be transferred to my womb.  OMG!!  That sounds so legit.  I have an acupuncture appt at 9am there in the same office to really get the blood flowing.  What does one wear to get pregnant I wonder?

I feel God so all over this.  This hasn't been fun.  Looking back on everything it hasn't been terrible and I would certainly go through this and more to have our babies and we still have some ways to go but right now, it's kind of really overwhelming.  I'm laying on the floor after taking 2 enema's, 2 different stool softeners, while Jason is at the store getting me prune juice and honey (GAG) writhing in pain that only not going to the bathroom for weeks can do to one, praying I get some movement before I get myself pregnant on Sunday.  Jealous?

It's a labor of love.  I've heard more than a 1000 times, this is just preparing you for pregnancy. I know, I get it.  Just usually you put on some sexy lingerie, not a hospital gown and cap.  You drink champagne, not apple juice or God forbid, prune juice.  But whatever means this baby comes, it's coming to 2 people who already are so committed and in love with the thought that our love, our committment, our desire, our prayers and our blood, sweat and tears are bringing us the thing that we want most.  A baby or 2 dozen of our own.

Satan is throwing some roadblocks.  Of course.  We were too happy.  Had too much joy.  Satan had to throw out lies.  Jason is a bad father because he missed the kids first day of school.  Lies.  He's an amazing father and one of the first questions he asked when he woke up is if pictures of the kids first day of school had been sent to him.  Someone is trying to cause sadness and confusion in our family with more lies that only come from Satan.  What if this doesnt work?  Doubt and lies. Not from God, from Satan.  Not going to feed into it.  Can't.  I have too many blessings and too much good in my life to be bogged down by the bad.  By the lies, by the jealousy and by the mean action of others.

I got babies growing in bowls, ya'll.  And Sunday this gal here is going to get pregnant!  How do I feel right now?  Overwhelmed with the amount of love, prayers and support of those I know and don't know.  More in love with my husband than I thought possible.  More amazed everyday by a God who is showing me his blessings and grace and mercy.

This baby story isn't over.  We still need and appreciate prayers as the embroys continue to develop, that my body will receive them, that they will grow inside me and that in 9 months we'll get to kiss the faces of the babies we have prayed so hard for.

Blessed because I know that God is working in me.  Hopefully soon the prune juice and honey will be as well!

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Poked, Prodded and Pregnant

Hopefully very soon on that last "P."  Oh yea!

Went to the dr yesterday for "Decision Friday" and the decision was next week all the fun begins!  YEEHAW!!  Morning started off rocky.  Nurse poked me twice and couldn't get enough blood.  I'm not good with blood draws.  I get fainty and woozy on a good day.  Stick 1 didn't get enough blood.  Stick 2 wasn't getting enough blood so she's moving the needle deeper and I'm trying not to pass out, Jason is coaching me on blood draw breathing and then I feel the needle rip out, hear the nurse scream an expletive and then look and see blood kind of gushing out of my arm.  Then saw it kind of splattered on the floor.  And my file.  I didn't pass out!  I'm getting pretty impressed with myself.  The poor nurse was mortified so I was trying to make her feel better, then my fave nurse comes in and sticks me and gets what they need.

THEN the fun!  I'm prodded and it's good news.  Very good news.  I have about 30 follicles ready to be retrieved.  The nurses are kind of high fiving us and seems we are the poster child for what IVF ovaries should look like.   It's a well earned title let me tell you.  I've moved up a size in pants and I actually felt like a demon last night.  I digress.  We are scheduled for Jason on Monday, me on Tuesday and transfer day either Fri or Sun.  OMGGGGGGGGGG!!!  This is for real. 

For such a stressful, emotional journey, I'm on cloud 9.  I had so many questions of was this the right path for us, right Dr for us yada yada and I can tell you I have never felt so sure about such a huge decision.  I credit that to the faithful prayers of all my amazing prayer warriors.  Humbled!  Thank you!  This whole IVF thing has been good.  I mean aside from my moodiness, cramps, growth, meanness, and moodiness.  But we are going to be pregnant soon!  I really believe that and I'm holding onto that.

All this has brought out the good, bad and ugly.  In me and in others.  We have so many people standing beside us and claiming baby victory with us, so many encouraging us and praying for us.  It's overwhelming.  I also have anger and bitterness and hatred directed towards me which is amazing.  I'm hated because my husband and I are happy.  Because we are growing together and growing our family.  I don't understand the ugly that is out there and sometimes it takes me back for a minute BUT WE'RE GOING TO BE PREGNANT SOON YIPPEE, so the ugly doesn't take me back for long, just long enough for me to see the ugly, acknowledge the ugly and determine that I will never allow myself to be that ugly.

So the next week will be exciting.  I know Jason will take great care of me.  I'll take great care of him and we'll take great care of each other knowing that at the end of this we will be that much closer to having what we want.  God's plan is bigger than us.  Always has been.  Sometimes we get in our own way, sometimes it takes longer than we want, sometimes it hurts more than we think it should.  We are in no way naive to the percentages and what could happen but our faith is reminding us that God will supply what we need.  In His time.  Next week, next month, next year.  In God's perfect timing.

Thank you thank you thank you all for sharing this with us.  Next week we will greatly appreciate your continued prayers as our procedures are done, our babies grow in a bowl before they grow in me and that in a few short weeks we will have our answer.  And God will be with us every step of the way!

Blessed because I am jacked up on soo many meds and hormones and I haven't acted in my urge to throat punch anyone, I have a smile on my face and I'm so excited about next week I can't stand it.  We are counting that as success!! 


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Pregnant. With follicles

Or at least that's how I look.

I don't know if I have any male readers out there but you may want to mosy on over to ESPN or something.

So I have gained 6 lbs in 3 days.  I look like I'm having a baby.  I can't go to the bathroom, everytime I stand up or move I can actually feel my ovaries dropping and I'm still somewhat emotional.  Fun times for everyone! 

Had a dr appt this morning and when you go through any kind of cycle like this you get grouped with the other people cycling that month.  So you see the same people at appts.  It's quite funny to watch the progression.  And, answer to prayer, the waiting room breakfast eater wasn't there today!!  Side note- when there is a restroom attached to the waiting room, go ahead and assume that everything that happens in the restroom will be heard in the waiting room.  And running water doesnt help!  I got a case of the laughs and Jason was trying his best to shut me up.  I think he mentioned something about me wanting to just pick on everyone.  He's so sensitive.

So back to what I was saying, Monday everyone shows up to the appt dressed cute, put together, excited, yada yada yada.  Today the wives looked a little less comfortable, clothes were a little more baggy, the husbands looked a little more beat down.  One couple across from us caught my eye when the husband sneezed and the wife looked at him like "die, die now!" and he was like "it was a sneeze, relax!"  I wanted to high five the woman and Jason looked like he wanted to give the poor guy a hug.  I can't wait til Friday.  Wages are in that the ladies will be in yoga pants and tshirts and the men will have bruises!

I'm pretty sure my husband is the office favorite.  All the nurses are always so "your husband is so funny" and "oh my goodness he must keep you in stitches, you're so lucky."  I feel very lucky as they are poking me with the pokey thing measuring my follicles.  Jason sits there in his chair beaming at his fans.  At one point he mentioned something to the effect that he'd been through a lot with this.  As I'm laying half naked, finding out how many follicles I have growing rapidly, bruised from bloodwork, rash on my chest from the meds, constipated because my huge ovaries are blocking any movement, and sweating because I'm a big sweaty pig but yes, he's had it rough. 

So sometimes we go through crappy times and never get to know the reason why.  Other times it's revealed and you feel very protected and doubly blessed.  When we went through the last round of everything for it to end the way it did was devastating.  We went through rounds of medicine, shots, scans, bloodwork for nothing it seemed and up until very recently I was still a little concerned about the why's.  But Jason and I have said over and over how right this feels.  How prepared our hearts feel for this.  When I was going through insem it was a guessing game as to dosages and meds and how my body, with the PCOS would respond.  When we were on that path I needed 2 or 3 follicles at 14-18 whatever.  I overstimulated one month and we had to scrap it because I had so many.  The next month they knew a little better what to try.  It was frustrating and disappointing but we were dealing with $1000 a month only.  Only, ha, right!?  Well I see why we went through that now.  I was on my schedule for IVF meds that they put everyone on to start.  But I had a sit down with Dr B 2 weeks ago and we talked about how my body responds so strongly and he dropped the dosage based on what we knew by what I'd been through.   Mon they called and lowered my dosage even more.  Now it seems I'm exactly where I need to be.  Today I had something like 20 follicles from 6-15 whatever.  Say hello to the 6lb follicles baby!  The meds I'm on now are 4x the amount of what I was on before.  It cost us some time and tears but I'm at a huge advantage now knowing what we do and not overstimulating because we weren't going in blindly.

I feel like I am exactly at the place that God has for me and whatever happens I know with everything I am, we will have our beautiful ending to this journey that will be the start of a beautiful beginning....

The nurse told us that Dr B heard that laughter helps pregnancy rates increase so he was considering bringing a clown in and doing balloon animals.  Jason very firmly and adamantly told them how stupid of an idea that was to put someone noisy and loud in a room full of crazy woman and how I nearly stabbed the server at dinner one night when he was in the middle of making a balloon flower. 

If laughter helps increase pregnancy chances, then that is just another butterfly moment from MY God showing me why he placed such a funny, loving, caring man in my life to walk this journey with me. 

Seriously, give the man a hug, he needs one.

Blessed because I'm covered in prayer and God's favor.  What better place to be?!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

BUI- Blogging under the Influence

I am Blogging Under the Infuence of some pretty crazy drugs.  I can track like clockwork, I take my shots and within 20 minutes I can feel the meanness coursing through my veins.  Poor Jason gets the brunt of it as I take my meds at night and he's the one laying in bed with me.  That may be short lived.  There've been threats of him moving to the guest room thrown around, whatev.

Dr's appts are going well.  Bloodwork and scans and readjusting dosages and I'm on track it appears.  Have another appt tomorrow so we'll continue to pray that we stay as we should be.  And also will pray that no one in the waiting room decides to eat her very noisy, smelly, breakfast in the chair across from me!!!  Who does that?!  These meds are no joke!  One makes me crazy.  The other makes me crampy and bloated and have horrible headaches and perhaps somewhat emotional.  The other makes me cry over animal commercials.  Seriously, that happened.  Can I see a show of hands who is jealous of Jason right now? 

Some people like to remind that I havent given birth to a baby so I'm not a real mom.  I'm so glad I have people like that in my life, I mean, I almost forgot I hadn't birthed any kids.  Know what makes me laugh?  That in a short time some people who love throwing that in my face are going to have to come up with something else to hold over my head.  -insert evil laugh-

Have had some dreams about J lately.  I havent dreamed of him in a long time.  He's getting extra prayers here lately.  I so miss that sweet kid. 

Meds also give me ADD.  A few parenting tips I will hope to implement once I am a real mother.  -still evil laughing-

1.  Put responsibility on a kids shoulders to keep their feet on the ground.  I love that.  Our kids love doing chores.  A is always asking to do laundry or help organize.  K likes to do stuff in the kitchen for dinner.  L loves doing manly things with his daddy.  I love that manly chores range from mowing the grass to folding clothes. 

2.  Jealousy robs you of what you have when you focus on what other's have.  In today's world where 5 year olds have more electronics than I do it's hard to teach kids the value of things that don't cost money and how to enjoy what you have.  It's even harder when adults haven't figured that out.  There's a lot of bratty, spoiled people out there. 

3. The art of not cheating.  There's something to be said for working hard and getting somewhere on your own without quitting and without cheating.  Know what I love about life lessons?  They can run the gamut.  This applies to relationships, school, work, friendships.

4.  The joy of spoiling your kids.  Not with things, with love.  With time.  With attention.  Some of the best times we've had with the kids, by their own admission, have been times we've done things that haven't cost a dime. 

5.  The better your life is the more sad people will not like you.  Bullies, blah.  There will always be someone out there who didn't have loving, caring, Christian, nurturing parents to guide them in how to be loving and respectful to others.  Then there will be those who were raised in loving, caring, Christian, nurturing households who will still turn out to be mean people.  Lesson-haters gonna hate and the better your life, the meaner they get.  True story.

SO- We've learned today that Jason deserves a gold star of bravery if he makes it through this in one piece.  I mean when he makes it through this in one piece.  My bad.  Hopefully he will soon understand that he simply can't eat, drink or breath around me and we'll be good to go.

Blessed because through the crazy, my handsome husband is talking me down off all kinds of ledges.  I love that man, my soon to be baby daddy!!  We have all sorts of excitement surrounding us and I love the life we have together!  

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Blind faith

The meds have entered my body.  And made themselves known.  I'm only on one shot right now, I start the others on Friday.  The one now is the one that sends my body into a fake menopause.  And then I got my period.  Bad.  Full force.  This is one crazy ride let me tell you.  Only real side effect I've had so far have been headaches.  They got pretty bad and then Sunday night it was more than I could handle.  I cried, I threw up, I honestly felt like my head was going to explode.  I couldn't stand any noise, any light.  Jason rubbed my head and tried to make it better.  Finally found that if I wrapped a pashmina scarf around my head tightly 3 times it helped.  Who knew fashion could be so functional during IVF.

I was beyond frustrated.  I couldn't work yesterday as my head was still throbbing, my face and eyes were swollen.  Not sure if from the migraine, they tears or the puking but I was a sight.  I had talked to mom and dad the night before to get suggestions that only parents can give when you don't feel well, so they knew from my voice how bad I felt.  I was covered in prayer before I got off the phone.

Mom prayed for me, amongst other things, that I would one day soon be holding our baby.  She was sharing my headache pain with a coworker and asking for prayer for me and he made the comment that when I was holding my baby I'd forget all I went through to get there.  God is constantly reminding me, through others when I need it, that I will have our baby.  I believe that!

Sales have been hard to come by lately.  Another huge source of frustration.  Sat I had a buyer who I knew was visually impaired.  I walked him and his wife and son through a few houses and he was leaning on me quite a bit.  I was holding his hand through the house and was walking him through the plans room by room explaining the windows and the layout. I was under the impression that he could see some, just not great.  He came back today and I sold that sweet family a home.  I also found out during our time together that he is completely blind.  He was leaning on me to help him see what he had no way of seeing with his own eyes.  As I was describing the light coming through the windows, the trees overlooking the back lanai, he had a smile on his face and looked very content.

He trusted me.  He couldn't see what I was telling him.  He couldn't see the house we were standing in but he knew we were there.  He could get a sense of what it was like from the sounds and smells and echos.  He wasn't freaking out about the what ifs and the whys and how's.  He told me what was important to him, I explained we could get him what he wanted, and he trusted me.  When I gave him a hug after we were finished he held on tight and kind of took me by surprise.  He was feeling on me then he touched my hair.  I realized he was seeing me the only way he could.

I am believing the only way I can.  I know our babies will be sitting in my lap.  I can see them, I can feel them, I can smell them.  Right now that's through my dreams.  Not because I have experienced that yet but because God has placed such a real desire in my heart that only can come from Him. 

I was taught today a real life lesson in blind faith.  I will never again doubt in the dark what God shows me in the light.  So blessed because I am loved, encouraged and right exactly where I am meant to be.  With my beautiful, loving husband by my side holding my hand on our journey to get to our baby.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Cheaters, Chick Fil A and Crazy meds

I have a lot to say.  This is always scary.  Threats of people deleting and unfriending me because of my beliefs. Ok, I'll take the chance.

1.  This whole Chick Fil A thing is crazy to me.  A Christian company that is closed on Sunday, plays Christian music in their restaurants is getting blasted for not supporting gay people.  Where is the confusion coming from?  The bible is clear.  With that being said, I was taught that you love the sinner and hate the sin.  Today that sin seems to be shining brightly at gay people.  Which is sad and ridiculous.  There isn't a day that brings to light the hatred against cheaters.  Or liars.  Or people who judge. But I don't think the "Support Chick Fil A Day" was to show hatred towards gay people but for people to show their support for Christian values.  See you at the Pole anyone?  I can promise that wasn't to bring attention to flag poles.  I support Chick Fil A.  I also tithe my money to churches as well as Christian radio stations.  That money isn't given to go towards anti anything movements or groups but to further the kingdom of My God.  The one who has provided all I have and need thru my trust and belief in Him.  Period. 

2.  Speaking of cheaters.  I am annoyed.  If you have ever been on the receiving end of cheating (I have) you know it sucks.  It's not just that someone you are involved with, or in love with, in like with, or even someone maybe you are committed to even though you may no longer like or love has made the decision to go outside your relationship to find someone else, it's that you didn't matter enough to warrant a conversation.  "Hey, things aren't going great.  I'm not happy.."  Or "Hey, I may not love you anymore, I may find you repulsive or scary or crazy but I respect you enough to let you know that before I go behind your back to find someone else I'm going to end it with you"  Seriously.  What is it with cheaters?  Are they so bored with life they need the thrill and excitement of cheating?  Get a hobby!  It doesn't bode well with me when I know that you are cheating and then post things on FB about how special your husband is or tweet about your beautiful wife or whatever.  Here's an idea.  If you are unhappy, ok.  Do something about it.  But before you bring other people into it (husband, wife, kids...) be adult enough to end one thing before jumping into bed with another.  Jeez.  Shouldn't be that hard.  You don't look cool, you aren't sexy or smooth or charming.  You are a walking billboard for disease, despair and disgust.  Show me cheaters who have their life together and are happy outside of what they post all over FB and I'll happily listen.

3. Today I ordered the rest of my medicine.  It's always nice when you have to call your bank to get a daily limit increase for a medicine order.  Fun times.  I am on day 3 of my shots and don't seem to have too many bad side effects.   I'm sleeping well, I'm happy and I'm healthy.  I am more emotional, kinda weepy.  I catch myself crying seeing old people, puppies and babies.  And the unexpected blessings God is giving me.  Our chaplain came in today to pop in and I always miss him as he usually comes in on my day off.  He asks if there's anything he can pray for me about and I said yes, my husband and I are hoping to have exciting news soon.  He asks if I was pregnant and I told him I had just started the meds for IVF.  He sits down and shares a little of his story with me.  He and his wife went through IVF and she had a tubal pregnancy that ended really badly.  They decided to adopt and after they got their daughter in Nov, she found out she was pregnant in Feb.  Then went on to have another daughter.  So their baby story was failed IVF tries, miscarriage and heartache turned into miracles and blessings and favor.  The love he has for his 3 daughters has him beaming.  He didn't have to come in today.  He didn't have to share that with me.  But he did.  Because God knew I needed it.  He asked if his wife could pray for me.  What an honor.  Then I get a text from a dear friend letting me know God placed me on her heart this morning and she is praying for me.  People are taking time out of their day to pray for Jason and I.  So overwhelmed with goodness and favor.

I am blessed.  In so many ways.  God is shining His light on me and in the midst of some crazy (always) and some frustrations (always) my blessings are very much overshadowing the bad. 

Today I'm holding onto Isaiah 66:9 "I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord." 

He said it, I believe it, that's good enough for me.