Friday, June 11, 2010

Exhausted. Employed. And Emotional...

I worked my first 40+ week in over 15 months. And I'm beat. It's a good kind of exhausted but exhausted none the less.

Being back in real estate is weird. It's a comfortable kind of being that just fits. I have been there for a week. I don't know enough about the builder, floorplans, showcase homes to be overly competitive but I know how to sell. I know how to talk to people. I know how to build relationships. Some things you just don't forget. One of the biggest compliments my boss has given me is that he's sending me to training but you can't teach someone what I have. I'm going to learn "their" way and "their" stuff but what I have can't be taught by anyone. That spoke really loudly to who I am. As a salesperson, a woman and a friend.

It's a catch 22. I want to be successful today. I want to be independent yesterday. I want to prove myself tomorrow! It's going to take time. And I've made huge strides in healing and moving on but I'm human and there's still voices and demons I battle that try to tell me different from what I know to be true...

I'm going to Houston Sunday. Going to have O'Nanna waiting for me in a town car at the airport to take me to my hotel. I told Kristen tonight that I'm flying across the country. Apparently I'm not and I need some work on my map skills. But regardless, I'm getting away. I'm going to be on my own for the first time in a really long time. I'm not going to be with family. I'm not going to be with friends. I'm going to be by myself. And I don't think it could have come at a better time.

I have some soul searching to do. I have some demons to fight. I have some tears to shed. Of thankfulness, of letting go, of sadness, of moving forward more quickly than I thought I would. I wanted to move out of the meantime. I have. I have to make sure I'm headed in the right direction, in every area of my life.

I'm blessed. I'm tired. I'm wondering and I'm excited. My life is coming together. I need to make sure I'm ready for it...

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