Tested...

Tonight I went to dinner we my girlfriends. And I'm on my dating sabatical. Met a guy that plays professional baseball. Of course....

He was all about me. Wanted to know my life story, where I came from, what I did. 2 nights ago I had a date with a guy that is 100% into his career, lived a fancy life, had all the right answers. But it wasn't right. In either case.

I don't know who God has in store for me. I married the wrong guy, I know that much. I still honestly believe I married him for the right reasons. Just the wrong guy. Hard admission to make myself, let alone others. Some of my friends are married, some are dating, some still single. I honestly don't know whether it's a blessing or a curse that I'm now in the "divoreced"box.

I know this much. God has made me and designed me for a specific purpose in life. I honestly feel like through my divorce, being a mother, losing Jonas, having a miscarriage, losing my house, blah blah blah, that I"ll be able to witness, help, whatever to other people...

I can't lie. I look forward to the time that I can witness, help, talk to people as I am. I had a kind of "this is your life" moment today. I communicated with a lot of people I haven't been in touch with for awhile. Some were receptive, some weren't.

I don't know where this new road is going to lead me. But I know, sure as I'm sitting here, that this is the right road for me. Will it lead to riches, husbands, kids, my dreams? I don't know. But if I have learned anything from the past 15 months of the meantime, it's this...God leads you to where you need to be, he gives you what you need, and he equips you with the tools to get through where he's taking you.

I may not have everything I wish I did. I may still question of why and where I'm going. But He's shown me through scriputre, butterlfies or loved ones answers, I'm where I need to be. If that's good enough for Him, it's good enough for me.

I'm blessed. In 4 days I'll be starting a new adventure and I can't wait to see where this leads me. God is good. All the time. My unemployment runs out this week. Next week I'll have a paycheck. My COBRA runs out in 2 months. In 2 months I'll have health benefits. I'm not sure why my life has been running to the wire. I have faith. I have trust. But God has shown me, literally, in every area of my life, how much he cares about the details.

So in my dating sabitcal I'm ging to lean on him. He's not lead my astray this far, I know he won't leave me now. Trusting, believing and blessed. What more does a girl need...