Monday, June 21, 2010

In a funk. And hot. And blah blah blah

I've had a headache for about a week now. I think it's allergies, coupled with it being soo hot, coupled with traveling and training and stress.

My job is going really well. I can't complain about my life. Doesn't stop me from wanting to though. Sad, huh? Waited so long to get this job and still wanting more. I'm trying to rationalize the crazy and I really can't. Grass is greener, can't judge a book by it's cover, insert annoying catch phrase here. I know I'm blessed. I know I'm lucky. I just can't help wanting what I used to have. Not my house, not my faux marriage, not even the success I had in real estate years ago. I miss being a mom. I miss Jonas. More and more everyday for some reason. It's been 2 years since I've seen him. I can't even imagine what he's like now. It hurts my heart trying to imagine it but I can't stop.

Satan is working overtime. I know it and can recognize it, that's honestly, probably the one thing keeping me moderately sane and focused on the right things right now. Not willing to let him gain any foothold.

I'm fighting to not get sick. I'm fighting to not get sad. I'm fighting to stay content in knowing that I'm where I'm supposed to be. It's a good place. I'll have my kids one day. I'll see Jonas again. Until I do I'll continue to pray for him everyday and every time he crosses my heart and mind. That little guy gets a lot of prayers his way.

I'm blessed. I know I am. Right now though I'm just a gal missing her lil guy. Tomorrow will be better.

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