Sunday, June 6, 2010

Hello job, my name's Melissa...

Tomorrow's the big day. Actually it will probably be a little anti climatic as I'll spend most of the day doing paperwork and blah blah blah BUT I'll get paid for it. Because it's at the place that I have a job. Where they pay me!! And a week from today I'll be on a plane going to Houston for a week. Not a too shabby start to June.

This weekend has been spent with friends. Fri night was fun, yesterday was at the pool all day and way into the night with friends, today was the beach and a cookout with friends. I declared over bbq and mac n cheese that I would be hosting a dinner at MY place in 6 months! And I will.

I was in quite a funk this week. I think maybe just the mass amount of emotions of interviewing, being extended an offer so fast, accepting, getting a hire date, finding out I'm flying out next week to a place I've never been, the excitement of getting back into a business I love and am really good at. This is the change I've been wanting and expecting and it finally hit me last night. Hi breakdown, we meet again!!

My life's about to change. Meetings, people, opportunities. Job stress. I'm moving on.

Moving on from being unemployed. Stagnant. Groundhog's Day. Meantime. Bye bye!!

God has a plan for my life. Never have questioned that. Have questioned his timing in my impatient moments but never the fact that He has better for me. The plans, dreams, hopes that have been in my heart all this time are even more magnified now. Maybe because I see how His hand moved in me getting this job. It didn't always make sense, actually a lot of times it didn't make senese, but HE worked it out. I just had to be faithful and do my part.

I know I'll be successful. I know I'll find someone that I'll fall in love with. I know that I'll have kids. I was missing Jonas, realizing it's been 2 years since I've seen him and talking to mom about it. I asked her, how do you know that I'll be a Mom again? She said, "Because you're a mom now. You don't have Jonas or your baby, but that doesn't make you any less of a mom." And it's true. I haven't "sold" anything in the past year but I never stopped being a salesperson. It's who I am, it's what I love, what I know. And so is being a mom. I don't have a son to bathe, sing to, read to, play with, teach things to, but my love for him is still alive in my heart. I am a Mom. And as God saw fit that the timing was right for me to sell again, he'll see fit, in His timing, for me to be a Mom again.

I've been wondering about changing my name back to Melissa Harris. When I got married and changed my name, it took me so long to feel like Melissa Billington, that when I got divorced, I wasn't ready to change it. I feel no ties to the crazy man whose name I took but I did feel a tie to Jonas. I was crying to Mom last night (God bless her and my emotional breakdowns) and told her that when I see Jonas again I want to be Melissa Billington for him. She said the only name that would be important to him, is Missy. Wise woman she is.

So, tomorrow I will put on my sassiest business suit, highest heels and open the door back into the real estate world. Real estate won't just be something I love and am passionate about from afar anymore. It will be part of who I am.

And I'm ok waiting until God's timing plays out for me to take that same walk back into wife and motherhood. God's never late, seldom early, but everything is right in His time. (Thanks Nana)

I'm blessed. I'm nervous, excited and so beyond ready to take that step into the known!! I'm back!!

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