Coco Belle Neu

We've added a new lil gal to our family, Coco Neu. She is pretty much the cutest dog I've ever seen. We made the decision to get a puppy to give us something new to focus on. Wasn't sure if it was the best thing to do or not but oh. my. gosh. We are in love. She's already brought so much joy into our lives.

I'm sure we'll probably end up with an unhealthy attachment to her, and that worried me. But when we picked her up on Sunday she was just so loving and cute and cuddly. We had a 3 hour drive home and she laid on my lap most of the trip. A few times she crawled up my chest and laid her head in my neck and I covered her with a blanket and rocked her.

And then I completely lost it.

It's a dog.

Not a baby. Not Tucker. She's not fletcher either. Now it's like I went thru hell and all I got was the dog. But I really do love her. I picked out a really cute outfit that is blue and has a tutu and on the back has a big silver high heel. I mean, c'mon. Melissa before Coco- hates animals dressed as people. Melissa after Coco- trying to decide between puppy tutus or puppy onesies. It's a little ridiculous.

For such a little dog she sure does carry a big burden. She's going to help us heal. Help us get back to who we were. But I get so angry that other friends are having their babies, pregnant with babies, holding their babies and I'm holding a dog.

So frustrating.

We have gotten to spend more time with the kiddos lately and it means so much to us any extra time we get together. Jason and Landon went and did man things. Kaylen, Ash and I went to Starbucks then tried smuggling Coco into Target and Home Depot. It was a comedy of errors and I'm sure they thought we were shoplifting or something, anytime we saw a worker we ran the other way w a wiggly dog in an oversize bag covered by my jacket. And all 3 of us laughing so hard. Not at all obvious. It's their spring break and we had them some last night, they wanted to spend the day with us and all night and we started putting our new place together. It's starting to feel like home.

I'm trying really hard to focus on what I have. I have a beautiful husband who makes me laugh more than I ever have. I have a funny stepson who says the funniest stuff, who is loving and witty and makes me feel like he really loves being here. I have a preteener who makes me so proud in so many ways, so talented and kind. And one about to turn 10 who is smart, sassy, and kind. I have 2 little sons who I carry in my heart and one 10 year old boy who is celebrating his birthday as I pray for him, wherever he may be.

I am blessed. I really am. I think the tears running down my cheeks are just some leftover disappointment, fear, anger and frustration leaving my heart.

I'm healing.

Never been more appropriate timing. It's Friday, but Sunday is coming!!

Easter, camping, new pup, kids, parents, in laws, beach. Can't be mad about that!

Going to make sure these 3 kids that I love so so much are nice and warm in their new bedrooms then crawl in bed with the other part of me.

Blessed!