But Sunday's comin!
This time last year I was sitting at the beach with my family, listening to the ocean, wind whipping around me, wondering about my baby story and where it would take us.
The past few days I've been sitting at the beach with my family, listening to the ocean, wind whipping around me, wondering about my baby story, missing Tucker and Fletcher more than I can say and wondering where this road is taking us.
It's Friday. But Sunday is comin.
People who don't know, don't understand. I'll never forget 2 years ago when we had the kids at the beach for Easter and I was reading an Easter book to Landon and I got to the part that said Jesus died on the cross. Landon freaks and says, "Jesus is dead?!" I told him to hang on a few pages, Sunday was coming!
I was sitting on the beach today and when the sun was out it felt wonderful. When the sun was hidden by the clouds it was cold and miserable. It was amazing how quickly you can go from feeling great to shaking.
Kind of like having a wonderful day with the family and parents flying kites, riding bikes and just enjoying each other to walking straight into anxiety when faced with 2 babies at the pool.
Right now I'm still broken. My heart aches every day for my boys. I dream that they are with me then wake up to the reality that they aren't. The guilt kills me. Satan tries to make me think I didn't deserve them. Or I did something to cause this. Or God changed his mind and decided I couldn't take care of them.
God sent Jesus, his son, to die on a cross. To save us. How can I be mad at a God who more than understands my pain?!
He knew Sunday was coming. He knew Jesus wouldn't stay in the grave and he knew what good would come from the pain of Friday.
I'm trusting that He has allowed Friday in my life with the understanding that Sunday is coming. It won't ever erase the pain of what happened on Fri or Dec 10th or Dec 13 or Dec 24 or or or....
I'm blessed knowing that the sun still shines, God is in control and Jesus is no longer in the grave! And I'll hold onto that until my Sunday comes.