Saturday, March 2, 2013

Move on, listen up and c'mon already

Losing a chid is the hardest thing anyone will go thru. Ask around. It's true. It's awful and it's unfair. And as soon as you feel like you're finding your way thru this new normal that your life has become, you will see more pregnant ladies than ever before. There will be babies and toddlers everywhere. Ask any grieving parent. They will back me up.

We picked names I had never heard other people called. Now I see or hear the names everywhere. Coach Tucker. Lil Fletcher Smith. Blah blah blah.

You can run but you can't hide. If you were hiding you wouldn't get to field so many stupid comments. "You're young still. You'll have another baby." Do you know that? Is that an absolute? I don't know if it is or not. Since you don't either, maybe don't say it.

You're so lucky you have 2 angels in heaven. Thanks, I'd prefer to have 2 baby boys here but thanks for playing.

You're so strong, I couldn't have done it. Not sure what the "it" is they couldn't have done but I don't care enough to ask. When you face a great loss and it doesn't kill you, you have nowhere to go but forward.

You should be feeing better soon. Oh good, I didn't realize you have such important insight into my life that I will be better soon.

At least you didn't lose them a few months later. Well thank goodness for that. Because giving birth to 2 sons that only lived for awhile wasn't devastating at all.

My favorite. I know exactly how you feel. My dog died last month and it was so hard. Oh, ok forgive me, I didn't realize how closely our stories were, lady!


I know people don't know what to say. I know most have good intentions. But telling me I just need to go ahead and have another baby won't fix this. A baby or 5 won't take away what happened and what we are left with to figure out. It won't take away the fact that my 2 firstborns never got to go home with their parents.

I wish I could go back in time to friends that have lost children. I'd ask about them more. I'd ask how they were doing and be prepared for the real answer instead of expecting "fine" and looking like a deer in the headlights if I were faced with the truth. I didn't know that it's ok to talk about what happened. I had some silly notion that if I asked it would bring it back up to the parents and I didn't want to hurt them. I didn't know that they never have it off their minds. That if given the chance they would love to talk about it. I just didn't know.

That bothers me. What also bothers me is not talking to someone but talking about someone. Not forgiving someone and holding onto anger instead. Thinking people are better than they are. I do this. I tend to try to find the good in people. But I'm here to tell you, not everyone has good in them. When someone shows you who they are, over and over again, believe them. I wish I'd listened to my advise before. It'd have saved me a doomed marriage then a crappy divorce and some heartache along the way holding onto people who needed to be cut loose.

I've also learned that the old saying that people don't change isn't true. People can change. I'm being held accountable for someone I no longer am. And it sucks. How can I be so selfish to think that time, wounds, heartache, healing hasn't changed others as well?

Effective communication can heal. Old wounds, hurt feelings, misunderstanding, talking it out and listening can bring people back together.

Not talking gets you nowhere fast. It gives Satan plenty of time and opportunity to fill your thoughts with anger, resentment, pride and confusion. And that gets you nowhere except alone w a big wall built around you.

I'm rambling, I know. I'm probably repeating myself, don't care.

I've seen life and I've seen death. Up close and personal. Twice. I know what's important in life- God, family, friends, forgiveness and openness. And I know what's not important in life. Anger, resentment, pride, arrogance and dishonesty.

Move on people. If you've hurt someone call and apologize. If you've failed at doing the right thing, make amends. If someone asks you to forgive them and start over, give it the ole college try. What do you have to lose? Holding on to anger poisons your heart. Not the persons you are angry at.

Bitterness and anger isn't fun. I'm working my way out of it and I don't want to return.

Life is what you make of it and if you have issues that need to be resolved, resolve them already!!

Stepping down of my soapbox now. Been awhile since I've climbed up there. Felt good.

PS- if someone could use an apology, give it to them. If someone needs your forgiveness, forgive them. If someone needs to hear from you, pick up the phone and call.

Stop being mean. Stop making demands. Stop playing games. Stop thinking you can do it another day. Before life happens and you missed your chance! Pick up the phone and make someone's day.

This has been a public service announcement brought to you by a girl who has a lot to say! Obviously.

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