Sunday, January 3, 2010

Looking back...

New year. Now what?

Been looking for a job for way too long. I know the state of the economy, I dont think the reason I don't have a job is because I'm not good enough. But the fact of the matter is, I NEED A JOB! If for no other reason than I'm going out of my mind.

I'm going to talk to a school advisor this week about going back. To school. Yes, me! I think I'm finally in a place mentally where I can concentrate for more than a hot second. I know I'd make a really good nurse. I know that when I've spent time with Nana, Popsy and Grandma in the hospital, how they felt was in large part to how they were treated by the people taking care of them. I've got all this inside me, it needs an outlet and I think being that person that helps people feel better when they are sick or a new mom or coming out of surgery would fill that void. We'll see...

I'm not one to make new years resolutions, I have journals filled page after page of resolutions that I hope to achieve every day. I heard someone say that God doesn't look for perfection, he looks for progress. BIG SIGH OF RELIEF. If I could have that as a constant reminder then I'd be way ahead of the curve. I'm my own biggest obstacle in whatever I'm trying to do. I'm going to make mistakes, I'm going to not always make the best decisions but if I lose the lesson then I've failed. When you know better, you do better. That's what I will resolve to do. Better.

My best friend told me to stop looking back. But if I do then let it be to remind myself just how far I've come.

This year may not bring "the" job, or house, or husband, or *insert dream here* but my hope for me is that this year brings:

1. Acceptance of who I am, now, as I am. Not who I was, before *insert disappointment here*
2. Self Confidence to make the right decisions for the right reasons, for me.
3. Hope, laughter, friendship, love and healing!!
4. Learning to play guitar

Those aren't pipe dreams, well number 4 maybe...but the rest are resolutions of sorts I guess. I'm resolving to be a better person. A happier, more content, more me version of me.

This year may bring "the" job, house, husband. If it does it will be because I'm ready. And if it doesn't then I'll keep myself busy picking at the guitar I dont have yet.

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