Where are my butterflies?

I guess it'd be funnier if it weren't me I was talking about. But I'm quite certain that if anyone can relate to anything I've ever said, it's probably this post.

Satan is on the attack. And it was as simple as making a decision in my heart to make some small changes to better who I am and that's all it took. It's funny, it's totally expected. Draw closer to God and Satan freaks out. I guess because Satan has been on the constant attack of so many people I love that I'm all too familiar with how this plays out. I've watched it too many times...

It's the subtle voices in your head saying you aren't good enough, you've tried to make these changes before, you're a failure, you don't deserve to have your dreams comes true, you weren't good enough before what makes you think now will be any different, go ahead and trust him it will just be more fun when he breaks your heart too.....

EXHAUSTING. These aren't truths. Why the voices that speak negative and lies resound so much louder than the voice of truth is, I'm not sure. When you open yourself up to have God lead and guide and mold and make and all, it's painful. Not because of what God is doing in me but what Satan is trying so so hard to avoid happening.

Me believing God's promises for my life. Me living the life God has designed for me to live. He didn't mean for me to be alone. And lonely. And sad. And doubting. I have to allow God to give me the strength and courage and fortitude to keep going. To mute the negative and rejoice in the truth.

Satan has no power over my thoughts. Satan you will not have my hopes, my dreams, my future, my plans, my family, friends or thoughts. You can keep playing your games, I've played them before and God always wins. Always. This game isn't at all what I was expecting and it's absolutely exhausting sometimes, but I'll be ok. At some point, this will all be ok...

Tomorrow I'm dressing w extra layers so when things are thrown at me they'll be more equipped to bounce off. Satan knows I internalize everything and take the weight onto my shoulders. And he uses that to weigh me down. I can't do it anymore. Its too heavy and too much to carry.

God, please lighten my load, help me to hear your voice only. The one that promises that I will soar like an eagle, that the plans you have for me are to prosper me and not to cause me harm. I will live a life filled with peace and joy. My circumstances may not change for awhile, but, thankfully, because of your grace and mercy, my hope and faith and joy aren't attached to things but to you. Please help me to remember that...

And if it's not too much to ask, I could really use a butterfly moment!