Sunday, January 10, 2010

The weight of my dreams...

Tomorrow is a new day. So many small changes I need to make and pray I have the will and strength to change them. For good.

It takes 21 days to form or break a habit I believe. I'm pretty sure that's 21 days straight, not with countless do overs.

Amy Grant sings a song "All I Have to Be"

"When the weight of all my dreams Is resting heavy on my head, And the thoughtful words of health and hope Have all been nicely said. But I'm still hurting, Wondering if I'll ever be The one I think I am. Then you gently re-remind me That you've made me from the first, And the more I try to be the best The more I get the worst. And I realize the good in me, Is only there because of who you are. And all I ever have to be Is what you've made me. Any more or less would be a step Out of your plan. As you daily recreate me, Help me always keep in mind That I only have to do What I can find. And all I ever have to be All I have to be All I ever have to be Is what you've made me...."

All I have to be is what God made me to be. I'm trying to take comfort in that and not the whole trying to figure out who and what that is. Because right now, try as I may, Satan has my ear and is whispering *shouting at times* that I still havent figured it out. Who I am, where I'm going, how to get there. Satan is throwing questions at me that as a control freak I want the answers to. God's answer to that is clear...the harder I try to be perfect, the more I fail. He created me to be who I am. Often times a much better person that I am. But I'll fail. As long as I continue to be who He made me to be, I can get through this transition of who I've been, who I've allowed myself to become and who I desire to be.

My changes aren't being made in order to gain anything other than the peace that only God can provide. When you're being what God made you to be. The weight of my dreams often lay heavy on my heart because I look at that obstacles in the way of living my dreams. God placed them in my heart, so the mountains will be moved and whether it's the lesson I'm learning, the humility in turning it completely over, the journey, the climb....whatever "this" is about, it's just a stop on the way to where I'm going.

I just have to keep going...

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