Lost and forgotten...

I know it's not accurate, at least the forgotten part. But it's how I feel. I've been in this same boat for a year. I was more than certain that I'd have a job by now. No prospects. Not one.

It's almost a month into a new year and I'm no closer to anywhere than I was last year. I'm trying really hard to keep it together and not give up. Which is kind of funny because, give up what exactly I'm not sure. I just know how fast time can pass. I'm going on 3 years ago that everything in my life started crumbling. And I just use that as a point of reference because it seems like yesterday. And it wasn't. It was 3 years ago. 3 years!

I don't want to be sitting here in 3 years, 3 months even, wondering what I have to do, can do, should have done, differently to make something happen.

I know life is more than a job and house and money in the bank. I have too many people in my life dealing with life and death, chemo and surgeries, pain and suffering to let myself forget what's really important in life. My heart aches for them. Wishes I could do more, something, anything, to make their lives easier. But I do the only thing I can do and that's pray.

If that's all I can do for them, and I believe in that prayer than that has to be enough. If I'm looking for a job, networking, talking to people, sending out resumes, praying...what more can I do? I don't know. But I'm feeling forgotten. I'm feeling lost and I'm feeling like the quicksand under my feet is taking me down...

I won't stop believing. I won't give Satan that power. Clearly he has gotten me down as evidenced by this sob fest blog but I wont stay down. Nana always has said that. You can get down, you just can't stay down. And so far I keep finding enough to pull myself out.

Tomorrow will be better. I've had the flu so I'm feeling down anyway. Tomorrow I'll wake up and feel a lot better. About a lot of things....