I have no idea where I am right now, or why I'm here. Other than this is the place God has me to be. I would rather be a million different places but I'm not. I'm here.
I had a pity party today. Why am I still here, when will something happen, I feel worthless, I feel un-needed, I feel disposable, alone, sad, frustrated blah blah blah.
Then I got an email from my aunt telling me about being in the "mean time." And if you are waiting on a "thing" to renew you it drains you. But if you wait on the Lord he renews your strength...
As I was reading her encouraging email and crying I got an emailed devotion from Max Lucado. Who, at times over the past few years, I feel was writing a good portion of his books with the invisible start of "Dear Melissa..." That man has an amazingly simple way of smacking you in the face with God's love and truth. Tonight I was told through his devotion "When You are Low on Hope..." (told ya, smacked right across the face) The thing that struck me the most was this...
"Hope doesn’t promise an instant solution but rather the possibility of an eventual one"
I have more questions than answers right now. I have more tears than smiles sometimes. And I have more frustration than joy occasionally. I've wondered why I'm here but I've never questioned where I'm going. I've cried because of the loneliness and pain but I've always been comforted by His promises. And I've been in the "mean time" a lot longer than I ever anticipated but I've had enough butterfly moments to keep me moving forward.
Tonight I had to laugh because it wasn't but a moment after I felt like breaking that He sent me encouragement. It wasn't an instant solution but the promise of an eventual one has given me what I need to stay on this broken road that's continuously leading me straight to Him..