Closer than I think....

It's been a long time since I've had good dreams. Seems that I either didn't dream or had really bad nightmares. And my dreams are vivid, I remember every detail. Which isn't great when they aren't good. I've woken up more times than I care to remember crying.

BUT, however, hold up...

A few nights ago I woke up from a dream about a man that loved me more than I have ever experienced, I was more comfortable with him than anyone I've ever known and I just really knew we were meant to be together. We were on a vacation in San Fran, a place I've never been but feel like after my dream I could navigate my way around pretty well. My dream was that real. It wasn't just that I was with him, it was that I was on an amazing vacation, with him. I had just had a conversation with my mom that aside from my honeymoon over 3 years ago I haven't been on a vacation since probably childhood. And my dream was of Mr Heavensent who took me away.

Then the next night I had a dream and I got an amazing sales job. As I later desribed it to my mom, it was the NASA of sales job. Whatever that meant, in my dream is was a VERY big deal. And I was more successful than I have ever been.

Both my dreams were things that my heart is desiring more than I'd probably like to admit even to myself. But I woke up not with longing for something I want but more with a peace of things I will soon have.

I read something in a book today that was probably the single best thing that I've read in a long time. "I've found that sometimes God closes a door because I've been believing too small." Read it again. I've been beyond sad, frustrated and hurt because so many jobs, guys, opportunities that I knew weren't right for me but still hurt because I was wanting and ready for something passed me up...

A job, a mate, children, vacations....I've been wanting just anything. God has closed the doors on me accepting mediocrity. He is working in me and through me, to bring me to things so much bigger than I have allowed myself to believe I deserve or will have. But no longer.

And I'm also believing that I'm much closer to His favor than I have allowed myself to believe. He put the dreams in my heart and I'm closer than I think to the realization of that. I just needed to believe a little bit bigger. Because God is up to something. Bigger than me!