It is well with my soul.
It's the holidays and I have more heartache than smiles but God's got it under control.
I can't see a kid without crying but God planted the desire in my heart for children and He's not a God who dangles carrots without a full dinner on the other end of the string.
I need something to fill my days and keep my mind busy, God is the author of love not confusion.
I have dreams that are bigger than me but God's up to something. Bigger than me.
Whether it's been a reciept of J's daycare, 2 years old I run across, a school bearing the same name he went to, a picture of an old friend in love, a dream that wakes me up with tears streaming down my face, sending my resume to a job that excites me or or hearing a song that makes me hyper aware that I'm not forgotten and my circumstances arent a surprise to God, He is the author of my story and He doesn't have hopes for my life, he has Plans for my life....good, bad or indifferent I've reached the emotional week of the month. Which has kind of melded into an emotional month with a sane week. But anyhow...
The tears aren't keeping me from enjoying my life, they are just reminders that I'm not exactly where I want to be. Yet. I'm not in a position where I will allow myself to become hard, or settle or wallow. SO that leaves me seeking, crying and living.
Whatever my lot, it has taught me to say, it is well, IT IS WELL, with my soul. If you see me crying in the wrapping paper aisle at Target feel free to take a roll and hit me in the head with that reminder. He never said it'd be easy, He just promised we'd never go alone. So thank you for being on this journey with me.
If you'll excuse me now, I have run out of kleenex!