Saturday, December 5, 2009

Home is where the memories are...

I have some really special friends. I appreciate each and every one of them. We're all at very pivotal points in our lives and I feel blessed to be part of so many amazing people's journeys.

I spent the day and evening with Whit yesterday. I'm missed that girl. What a difference a year makes. This time last year she was awaiting the arrival of baby number one. Now she's awaiting the arrival of baby number two (who was supposed to come last night while I was there but she appears to be stubborn) while she's being super mom to baby number one.

She and I have been through so much together and for that I am blessed and happy and emotional. Seeing her in this role as Mom is something that just makes me really appreciate her even more. She's been a great friend to me. That she's sharing this new part of her life with me makes me love her all the more. It's not that she's a Mom now and I'm not. I know that one day we'll be Moms together. It's more that she's willing to open herself up to me and be honest with this new role that she is of wife and mother. She tells me her stories and allows me to share my memories of when I was a Mom too.

Of everyone she probably saw me at my absolute best and absolute worst as far as emotional rollercoaster of the past 5 years. She knew me before I was a mom. She was friends with me while I was a mom. And now she's sharing herself and her experiences of being a mom with me. I love her for that.

For so long after I lost J I looked for him wherever I went. At times I'd have moments of panic because I thought I saw him or saw a little boy his age and just couldnt hardly stand it. Then he moved away and I went to KY.

He's living somewhere in Daytona with his new family now. Today as I was leaving Whit's I drove through a huge crowd of runners doing a 5k. There were adults, kids, families, all running. I saw some little boys and realized J could be in that group and I had that panic grasp me again. I forgot what it was like to worry about running into him, and would he remember me, would he run up to me and give me a hug, would he forgive me for not being in his life. Would he understand...

I don't know the answers to those questions. But I believe with all of my heart that one day I will see him again and he will run up to me and give me a hug, he will forgive me and I'll help him understand.

And until that day happens I'll thank God for my friends and family that help me get through those times, allow me to talk and cry and laugh and tell stories about my little boy and allow me to be Aunt Miss to their babies.

I love each of my friends for very different reasons. But right now I want to say, I love you Whit! You're an amazing Mom and I'm proud to be your friend and thank you for always, always, always being there for me to reminisce with and make new memories together! xoxo

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