Being home the past week has opened my eyes to many things. Some things I might have preferred to keep blinders on for but I guess that knowledge is power so it's better to go ahead and face up to how things really are. Even if it hurts.
I'm blessed beyond measure. I know that. I have my health, a family who is more precious than I deserve and friends who I adore.
I'm gaining a better appreciation for those who live in a real state of life with the heartaches, joys and frustrations that come with it. Life is hard but I'm blessed. Sometimes when you ask me how I'm doing I may tell you more than you wanted to hear. But I'm living my life on the assumption that people that choose to be in my life want to be there because they care about me as much as I care about them. If I'm having a bad day and missing Jonas and just cant stop crying, which as been the case more often than not lately, my answer to you probably won't be a bible verse about rainbows, butterflies and pollyanna. That doesn't mean I'm not a Christian. Doesn't mean that I'm looking negatively at my situation. Doesn't even mean that I'm a depressed person. It means that I value YOU enough to be honest with you when you inquire as to how I'm doing right now. Which is what I expect out of my friendships. 2 way honesty. Not pollyanna canned answers on how you should be feeling. A life made up of should' has never been a life I've been envious of.
My plate is full. Emotionally I'm tapped out. Some of you know why because we've talked about real life things. Others have no idea but an assumption that I can quite certainly tell you is way off. It's not a secret, what my lfe is comprised of right now, and it's a much different set of circumstances from even a few months ago. I'm just waiting for you to ask. And to answer my questions of "How are you doing right now" as well. That isn't an invitation into a rose colored glasses reality. It's an invitation to be my friend and let me know how you're feeling. I was married to a man that was only willing to be active in the good areas of life. I'm not willing to fill my life with those people any longer. I love to make people laugh. But I know as well as anyone how much it is appreciated when you let someone cry with you as well..
Whether your cup is running over with blessings, or your plate is full with life, or a mix of the two and you have things I can be praying about for you....I ask because I care enough to know. And my cup runneth over with enough real people who ask the same of me.