Sunday, February 21, 2010

I got a feelin....Yikes!

I have a phone interview tomorrow. And I feel about my next job much like I do about my next husband. There probably won't be a long courtship on either accounts, I've waited long enough, it'll probably happen fairly quickly...

I researched this job position best I could and it would be pretty great from what I can tell. But like everything else in my life I have to do the best I can, pray about it and turn it over to God. So I'm praying about it, tomorrow I will be as charming, real and educated as I can be over the phone and trust that if this is the right job for me I'll be shoved through the open door. No doubts, no questions.

But try as I might I can't control my fear. Hence, my ulcer. It's not an understatement to say that the past 50 times I've put my hope into something or someone I've been not only disappointed but just really let down. Guitar guy is a great example. He became a friend and it seemed he wanted to take it further and he seemed way too good to be true. I told everyone he would be able to break my heart if I let him in. And he's the one who faked cancer. And his death. At least I'm self aware enough to know that I'm dealing with sketch people now. I digress...

I'm not going to ride on the wave of "Don't let yourself hope because you'll only be hurt." This job may or may not be the right one for me. If it is and it's the one I've been praying for and God's prepared for me then the job will be mine and all the conditions will be what I deserve. Or maybe even more than I deserve. That's how God works. You get more than you deserve a lot of times, nice thing about grace.

SO all day I've felt this sense of foreboding. In a good way. I don't even know if that word means expecting something good...but whatever. All day I've felt anxious and hopeful that my life is going to change in a really good way soon. But this is where it gets tricky. I have that interview tomorrow. God has put this hope and excitement in my heart. If this job isn't for me then I have to hold on to that hope that something better is around the corner. A job, a mate, a new friend, a butterfly....

Whatever I'm waiting for and excited about is going to be more than I deserve. And for that, I'm both confident and thankful!

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