Monday, February 1, 2010

3 stikes you're out, Roloff

So breaking up is hard to do. Especially when 1. You aren't dating, 2. You used to date and 3. You thought you were meeting for a friendly night of catching up when there was clearly an agenda you weren't aware of.

Very few people I let completely in. I'd say of new people who met me post crap, probably 2. This is the story about one of the two, who from here on out will be known as Roloff, my pet name if you will.

I could be mean. I could want to retaliate and boast to the WWW all his hurts and insecurities and flaws. But I wont. Because I'm not that type of person. I tricked myself into thinking he was a better person as well but I figured out the hard way first impressions and your gut are rarely off.

He was that guy that pursued me relentlessly who I finally gave into. He told me after a month of dating that he was falling in love with me then pulled the "you're moving too fast card." On me. Miss Closed Off. Because I was coming off a bad relationship, I took the brunt of the blame. Then 3 months later he resurfaces during a really hard time in my life and was my rock for a few weeks. Then he disappeared. And you have to understand, he knows everything about me. All my baggage, J, J, house, work...everything. And he allowed me to hear some really nasty things that were said about me by his friends. Twice. And I was really hurt. Twice. Then 4 months go by and he pops back in. I miss his quirkiness so I let him back in. We hung out a few times, had a really good time one night watching a basketball game and the next night either his ego or his insecurities, still not sure which, got the better of him and he made kind of a fool of himself. But we got over it. Until tonight when we were meeting to catch up. And as soon as he walked in I knew he was in a crap mood and of course the conversation leads itself back to something I did a year ago that he likes to make fun of me for. If I'm being honest, he makes fun of me quite a bit. So I walked out, sent him a text and "broke up" with a friend. He of course needed to feel like the more dominant one so he said it just got too complicated. Yea, because 4 days ago, out of the blue, he asked a stupid, moronic question...

I'm not using this as a platform to bash him. I have gotten kind of a wake up call where a few guys are concerned. I don't believe in karma but if I did...oh man, these guys are in for it.

The point is, Roloff said some really hurtful things to me. With the intention of nothing other than hurting me. And I didn't let him once, but three times back into my life. He's a seat filler. And if I listened more to my friends and less to the devil on my shoulder then I'd be much further along without a big bag of worthless guys who have done nothing but give me grief or frustration since I met them dragging me down.

SO....I won't declare a dating sabbatical because I'm 31 and that's just stupid. A girl's got to date. And I've got a few guys I'm getting to know better. I don't know what this is all about I just know that tonight I learned a very important lesson. Whether it's a sibling, a spouse, a friend, or an acquaintance, if their purpose is to hurt you and you let them, shame on you. I knew I was better than that, better than him, better than his environment. That's what Satan does though. In this case it was a big ego wrapped up in a little package. But I've dealt with his type one too many times. And of course it hurt, my ego was bruised and my confidence shaken. But only until I stepped away and remembered that I'm better than that.

And I actually believed it!

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