I'm so proud of myself. The house is clean, my rooms are organized, my paperwork has been submitted to my attorney, I FILED MY TAXES AND fixed the toilet. Small things to you, been hanging over my head like a black cloud for years.
BIG FAT SIGH OF RELIEF.
Nothing is in my way now. I don't have anything hanging over my head. I'm a contributing part of society and my friends. I get up, I do things, I make fruit salad, I go to dinner with my friends, i go shopping with my mom, I watch basketball with me dad. I talk to my Nana everyday. I. AM. HAPPY!!!
And I'm excited about next week. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me.
I can't remember when I've felt this me. And it's certainly a me I've never been.. But I am so proud of myself. I made it out of the hell and hurt and disappointments. And it didn't make me a bitter, angry, sad person. It turned me into someone who appreciates what people have to offer in knowledge by way of conversation. Its enjoying and laughing when something is funny. It's going to concerts with friends. It's sitting and having conversations with mom and dad. It's calling in to check on Megan and Kathryn. It's sharing stories as adults with Jenny and Ashley. It's loving my cousins and aunts and uncles. My brother and sister n law, Cooper, Porter. It's thinking about Jonas in a really loving way, it's forgiving Jeff once and for all and MOVING ON.
God was preparing me for something. It wasn't a job. It wasn't a man. It wasn't a lot of what I thought I needed. He was preparing me to be the new me. The one who has changed, grown and learned so much. And this me is a really happy, optimistic, caring me....
Refiners fire molded me into someone I'm proud to be. And that, in itself, is God's gift to me.....How much does God love and want to bless you? Ask him. I did. And he's showing me. More and more everyday! I'm blessed. I'm happy and I have a peace that has eluded me for far to long....feels better than I could ever say.
It feels good to be the new me! Finally!