Sunday, May 23, 2010

Broken clocks, more dates and more interviews

Interview tomorrow for a builder. Back in real estate. Exciting and a little anxiety inducing. Where I made a lot of money, was hugely successful, loved my job, and met great people. I pray if this is the right job that the door will be open only wide enough for me to walk through.

Meeting with the Plastic surgery/day spa this week. Hopefully to have a brainstorming, business plan, meeting of the minds to see if this is something that can realistically be a position that I can handle, thrive, excel at.

A lot of resumes went out to some really great businesses in hope that one of these will be the right one for me.

I can't stress how badly I need one of these to be IT for me. A job means productivity, goals, co-workers, staying busy, working towards success, working towards independence. One of them will work out. I know in my gut it will. God's been preparing me for something. I'll wait patiently to see it revealed to me. He knows my worth, he knows my dreams, he knows my talents. He knows what job will be the right fit.

Same with guys and dating. It's lonely not having someone to lean on. I'm lonely not having someone to lean on. I have had a lot of people who lean on me, maybe walk on me, but I guess I've decided thats not to be anymore. I deserve better. I don't deserve to be taken care of out of convienence. I don't deserve to be someones afterthought. I"ve been someones everything. And it feels really nice. What would feel even better is to find my partner that completes the parts of me that are missing or adds to the ones that are lacking. And likewise.

I'm emotional tonight for stupid medical reasons. And that makes me even more angry and emotional. Praying that when the Dr gets back from his vacation we can have a come to Jesus meeting and figure out the best course of action to get my body in tip top shape. Has to be a way.

I miss Jonas. So much today it breaks my heart. So I'm praying for him more today that normal. God will protect him and guard his heart and hold him close.

My dream is that I'm going to be introduced to a man that wont even be a question as to whether he's right for me or not. I'm going to interview for a position and it will be blaringly obvious that the job is for me. And I get a start date. And an income that makes sense for me. And I'll actually start working...

Im not whining, really I'm not. I'm getting all of *this* outside of my head and heart so I can pray w a clear mind. So I can hear the whispers of God's promises without the white noise. I know where I'm going. I know how I'll get there. It's going to be full of surprises but that's ok.

Prayers for patience, understanding, confidence and fortitude are appreciated.

I'm blessed. Emotional if not somewhat neurotic at the moment, but blessed none the less and looking forward with the confidence of knowing that it's out of my hands. God's got it under control. His clock isn't broken, the timing just still isn't right....


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