Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Things I know.

Because I have learned the hard way. But have learned none the less. And it feels good to not only know that I know them but that I act upon them, abide by them, and live by them.

1. Trust your gut. Especially as females I think that we were wired with the "gut" instinct. It's never steered me wrong. I haven't always listened to it. Or more accurately I haven't always acted on it. It's not something you can't hear. You feel it. Whether it's the wrong guy, a friend, family, situations, circumstances, jobs....whatever it is. I'm listening, and acting, on what my gut tells me. Because I've learned it's not just womans intuition. When you pray and ask for guidance, the feeling you get is just that, guidance. To save you heartache, disappointment, sadness.

2. When people show you who they are, believe them. Better yet, when people tell you who they are, listen. People, ok who am I kidding, guys, like to talk about themselves. But if you listen to them, watch them, and see who they really are, it will save you a lot of hurt and heartache. Sometimes is easier than others. The right clothes, the right words, the right hair, car, job, family, circumstances may gloss over what you don't want to see but if you really look at who someone is showing you they are, be thankful. If you act accordingly it will save you heartache, disappointment, sadness.

3. God's timing is perfect. I say this with my circumstances still as they have been for the past 15 months. Living with the parents, unemployed, divorced. What's changed is how I feel. I'm not sure why a job that seemed perfect for me and so much more than I ever dreamed of never came to be. I'm going for my 4th interview tomorrow. The president told me it would be a long process. A lot of interviews. I expected months. Not for all of this to be this week. And the compensation package wasn't what I hoped. I cried about it. Then I asked about it and told him my concerns and he came back with something that was more than I asked for. And he's talking about more. I may get this job. I may not. But I know that God has revealed through this that I still have passions, I still have dreams and I have the confidence in myself to get through this and excel. May not be much to others, to me, it means a lot.

4. There are good people out there. Tonight I was with a girlfriend and a stranger walks up to me and tells me I'm beautiful. He was kind of going on and on about it and I was flattered and a little embarrassed. The he leans in and says, "Stop selling yourself short. You have more to offer than you realize and it's time you started believing that." I was like, um, going to start crying right here, Mr Mind reader. I don't know who he was. Never seen him, probably won't again. But tonight I was in a situation that I didn't want to be in necessarily but it gave me closure that I know I need. And this stranger gave me some advice I need to take to heart. I can dress up and put a pretty face to the world but I'm more than I've let myself be. I'm not going to hide anymore. Behind anything.

5. I'm blessed. More than I deserve and more than I realize. I know my life is going to change. I know the change is for the better. And I know it's because God's timing is now for me. For a job, for a husband, for kids, for peace, for self acceptance, for his blessings. I don't know the timeline but I know the time keeper. And in His time all things come together for those who believe in him. And God's grace has allowed me to falter, slip, slide my way through this meantime, but I've made it. And I dare I say, I'm better for it.

I'm not the person I was even a few months ago. I've learned from my mistakes. I've grown into this new me. It feels good. Better than I expected. I have good friends, an amazing family and more blessings than a girl should have.

I haven't seen any butterflies lately. And it's spring. I saw more butterflies in the winter than I do now. I think that's by design. I've had to look for my own butterfly moments. And I've found them. And that has given me the peace to know I'm where I'm supposed to be.

I'm blessed, I'm happy and I know as sure as I'm sitting here...I'm where I'm supposed to be!

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